If only it were so simple. If only those day-to-day summary distractions we think are important, were that important. If only we really knew what we know. Who is to say what is best? It seems reasonable to think that uncertainty will lead to a deeper level of questioning, a more nuanced response, and a more fitting temporary solution that will continue to evolve as one continues to question. But instead, we have learned to move forward with confidence and declare a resolution often based on entrenched bias and emotional attachment; and sometimes on selfish interest. And then we defend that decision and become even more entrenched. Decisive action, no matter how arbitrary, is King. Skeptical questioning, no matter how thoughtful, is perceived as imperfect, ordinary, deficient, weak.
The cost of entrenched, emotional or selfish confidence is great. Circumstance today changes far too quickly for certainty. Today we are both blessed and cursed with more opportunity to reflect than what we have had in past decades and centuries. Instead of taking that time to glory in success, or to regret failure (which may lead to blaming others for failure), perhaps we should take that time to actually reflect, by questioning what we have learned, in order to more-rapidly advance and improve. Is a success really a success if it is not Perfection? Is a failure really a failure if we can learn from it to improve? Are there not an interminable number of small steps between me and Perfection? It is only when I choose to stop, (to celebrate or regret and/or blame), that a success becomes a success or a failure becomes a failure. But to stop is “to come to an end” and that (for me) is not only ominous but also the opposite of actively living my Life. In a sense, each success I celebrate and each failure I regret is a little death.
When I am clear-headed, I choose Life. But I am Human and not always clear-headed. Last night was one such circumstance. I floundered in regret and blame. I found failure. I died a little death.
This morning I came to work and received “Kudos” – (a workplace recognition system that “celebrates and rewards employees”). I was tempted to stop and glory in my success but I realized that I received Kudos for simply doing my job. And even if I had received Kudos for going above and beyond, to go above and beyond is still my job. To stop, to do a little touchdown dance or to flex my muscles, would have resulted in another little death. And even in the pause it gave, I died a tiny little death.
By nature, I am driven to survive. So why would I choose, and continue to choose, over and over and over again, an interminable number of little deaths instead of an interminable number of small steps.
Within each moment, I have a choice. To stand still? Or to move forward?
Because I am Human, I will on occasion choose to stand still. If I make a decision when I am standing still, that decision will come from emotion and bias, and maybe selfish interest, and may root me to my spot. If I make a decision as I am taking small steps forward, I will be forced to reevaluate as the landscape changes. I am better able to exude confidence when I am standing still. But I believe I am more likely to say what is best when I account for a changing landscape.
To take a stand for an entrenched belief is to stop for fear of failure. This fear is understandable (because an entrenched belief becomes inseparable from personal identity) but unreasonable (because it is not fear of failure, it is fear of inevitable change). If another (individual or group) attacks my entrenched belief, I feel like I am being attacked, and in this circumstance, I feel that to succeed I must stop and take a stand. And then, if I am rooted from my spot, I will perceive the changing landscape as my failure to control my surroundings. So again, within this perceived success / failure dynamic, each time I take a stand I die a little death.
It is difficult to acknowledge that the changing landscape should take precedence over my personal identity; but it is reasonable because the landscape will continue to be, (and continue to change), long after my personal identity is gone. This fact of “me” skews perspective. Success and failure is not personal and it is not measured in dollars or property or consumer goods or power or position or prestige. If it is anything, the dynamic of success and failure is an ongoing, intangible measure of the entirety of a Life lived to strive and survive for Perfection. In this sense, each one of us as individuals will fail. I would like to think that as a species we can continue to strive and survive, if not for an eternity, at least for a foreseeable future. Yet as a species we have spent our conversant existence believing we take precedence over the changing landscape. As an individual, I need to work to acknowledge the predominance of the landscape.
There is a difference between the landscape and society. I am a part of society and I am a part of the landscape; society is a part of the landscape; but this belonging does not take my efforts away from me nor does it justify a greater good for the sake of society at the expense of the individual; I remain an autonomous being beholden to the changing landscape (of which society is a part). It is worth repeating that as a species, as a society, we have spent our conversant existence believing we take precedence over the changing landscape. And from this thought it is not a very big leap for some to claim that society and the success of society takes precedence over the individual. The problem with this is that the flaws inherent in the success / failure dynamic apply to society as well as the individual. When we stop to measure and compare who has the bigger GDP, or to celebrate low unemployment, as a society, we die a little death. Just as with the individual, as a society we should reflect, learn, advance, improve. I don't see the cycles, the ebb, the flow stopping to celebrate a rising sun, or lament a destructive hurricane, or regret a swarming species upsetting a delicate balance. Effort spent on celebration or regret is Human effort. Effort spent on celebration or regret is wasted effort.
Reflect, learn, advance, improve...
…or die.