I am passive-aggressive. I am also assertively-aggressive. I began this week concerned with the disdain of others. I have discovered connections.

Disdain: to openly speak to or of another as a servile subordinate; an overt act of hostile humiliation; contempt.

In fairness I am not subject to excessively unbearable disdain, but I have come to realize that when directed towards me (often) the disdain is brought about by me; specifically by my overt (or assertive) aggressiveness.

Aggressiveness: a vigorously energetic display of initiative resulting from (for me) a striving for excellence.

I realize that what I do on a daily basis is not terribly important. And I realize that I have very little power in the grand scheme. And because of this circumstance I understand why one with more power would react with disdain to what they perceive as an unprovoked offensive initiated by a minion.

Still, what I do on a daily basis is what I do, and I cannot NOT strive for excellence.

Unfortunately, to be passive-aggressive is less productive than to be assertively-aggressive, but to be assertively-aggressive invites disdain which brings on passive-aggressive.

Question:
Is there a way for me to strive for excellence and not be assertively-aggressive?

• Simple assertiveness? I believe this would become semantics and still be defined as aggressiveness by many of those with more power.
• Persistence? I believe this is the cycle I am in now which defaults to periods of passive-aggressive.
• Redefine excellence as mediocrity and keep my mouth shut? Though I acknowledge that my definition of striving for excellence may very well result in (or appear to be) mediocrity, keeping my mouth shut is apparently not an option for me.
• Anticipatory empathy? If the purpose of the empathy is to foresee and then thwart or avoid my assertive-aggressive behavior, then I believe that will lead me (more quickly and more frequently) back to passive-aggressive behavior. If the purpose of the empathy is to create actual empathy so I may more quickly move past the proffered disdain, in theory I see how this might increase overall productivity but I am not sure (as a human) if it is possible for me to 1) consistently find empathy for another whose disdain is directed toward me or 2) consistently invite unwarranted beatings.

Perhaps instead of the question above I should ask the following:
Will we ever live in a world not divided into taskmasters and their minions?

• Likely not in my Lifetime.

So how the Hell am I to maintain my efforts toward excellence, increase productivity and avoid beatings?

Of course. The next most obvious answer is to become a taskmaster; because some of us are more suited to play that role, than others. Right? And because a taskmaster must have minions, the others are suited for that role. Right? It is clearly a division that reflects survival of the fittest. Right?

As a taskmaster though, no matter how my power is bestowed, (whether the title and role of taskmaster is warranted or not), I will come to believe that the title and role of minion is (far more often than not) warranted and deserved; and I will treat them accordingly. And as a taskmaster I will exaggerate my power and come to believe it is more deserved than it actually is; and I will wield that power in unnecessary and hurtful ways. Some taskmasters may learn to mitigate the inevitable exaggeration in varying ways, but wouldn't it be better if we each were our own taskmaster and minion, all in one? Wouldn't it be better if we could first interdependently suggest and discuss, and then choose our own contributions that would complement and support other's contributions? Wouldn't it be better if we would each and all strive for our own excellence? As one?

Likely not in my Lifetime.