Thoughtful Focus: prioritization, then concentration, that (ideally) leads to clarity.

Once I have identified a priority, I have to know that what I am seeing is not reality. Whether simply fuzzy around the edges or skewed and distorted like a reflection from a Funhouse mirror, my perspective is underdeveloped. I must concentrate to clarify.

A priority should not be determined by the degree of urgency. Urgency dramatically skews and distorts reality.

Concentration is not a one hour meeting with an agenda. An agenda, (or any form of bureaucratic administration), stifles depth and creativity.

Consensus is not clarity. Consensus will always include some measure of surrender, some measure of apathy and some measure of going-along-to-get-along.

But without some agreement, how do we ever move forward?

I must have only one priority in any given moment.

There will be some moments in which my priority is to choose a priority.

And there will be some moments in which my priority is to act on a chosen priority.

Unfortunately, by choosing one priority, (such as work, for example), other priorities are often dictated; chosen by another's sense of urgency, perhaps decided by upper-echelon consensus, possibly in a meeting, likely governed by an agenda, precedent, policy and procedure, and handed down from on high to further entrench a skewed and distorted reality.

But without some agreement, how do we ever move forward?

When a given circumstance dictates priorities, I may have no choice but to consent. This depends upon other priorities.

The challenge then, really lies in the process of prioritization. I believe concentration is an individual skill that can be learned, but because concentration is frequently short-circuited by one's chosen and/or underlying priority I believe prioritization is the key to thoughtful focus. As an example, if my underlying priority is comfort and reduced effort, then my chosen priority will be different than if my underlying priority is to do Good for the sake of the future. There are many underlying priorities that are not consciously or publicly acknowledged; particularly those involving the self and ego. We couch our priorities and actions in compassionate rhetoric that is founded within a sense of reality that is skewed and distorted. And this perpetuates and justifies a superficial sense of urgency, bureaucratic administration and consensus.

The process of prioritization then must include an in-depth examination of one's underlying priorities, and the realization that (like a chosen priority) these too change with circumstance in the moment. This may sound very complex and cumbersome, and it can be. But it can also aid in productivity and flow. For example, if my overarching underlying priority is to Save the World, within each and every moment I can (consciously or not) know if my actions are consistent with my priority. Even within a small scale circumstance, (I can imagine my actions placed upon a larger scale world stage), and I can know if I am doing the right thing. I can better see the moment in which a battle becomes win-able; or a lost cause. I can better appreciate those selfish moments that I may prioritize as necessary for personal well-being and strength to fight another day. I can more productively acknowledge personal mistakes, misjudgements and miscalculations; and I can better learn from them and move on.

Once I believe I have determined underlying priorities, I have to (again) know that what I am seeing is not reality. Whether simply fuzzy around the edges or skewed and distorted like a reflection from a Funhouse mirror, my perspective is underdeveloped. I must concentrate to clarify. I want to believe my sense of reality is merely fuzzy around the edges and not dramatically distorted; and to move forward, I must, in some moments, believe this. And I must, in some moments, act on what I perceive as the result of my thoughtful focus.

I will know if my actions are consistent. And I must find a way to move past the profound sadness that engulfs me when a circumstance appears to demand surrender and I feel that my actions were for little or naught. And this is really what this week's written thought is all about.

I lost a battle and now I am moving on. To see the smug satisfaction of the victors, makes me angry. This will (mostly) go away. What will not lessen is the new layer of certainty and righteousness added to the already widespread fortress of consensus ignorance. What will not change is the damage already inflicted and the pain already suffered. What will not be easily overcome is the trajectory toward more damage and more pain.

As I consider the significance of this circumstance and the reaction of those within it, I realize my fuzzy edges may include a misinterpretation. What I am seeing as smug satisfaction may in actuality be misplaced anger; which in turn may indicate (dare I hope…) progress? Possibly. The wheels often move more slowly than what I would like. I believe the wheels often move more slowly than what is becoming necessary for survival. But in this circumstance I know my actions were consistent with my chosen and underlying priorities, at least to the point of surrender.

Within the circumstance I believed that I ultimately gave in and up because I had become a distraction. Along the way I was cast out and made to feel unwelcome. In my role as pariah I felt I had no choice but to quit the battle and move on. But in hindsight I am asking myself if I gave up too easily? Did I tuck my tail and run because my poor little feelings were hurt? Or was I simply coerced and manipulated into the inevitable? Had I fulfilled my role in this small scale drama and was it really time to move along? I don't know. Objectively, I believe this circumstance is a nice case study for the impact of thoughtful focus and/or the lack of thoughtful focus. As I move beyond my poor little feelings, I realize again the personal benefit of my weekly written thought.

And perhaps one day, with luck long after I am able to influence or be influenced with or by ego, others will consider my weekly written thoughtful focus and apply it to their efforts to Save the World. A boy can dream...