I am amazed by the depth of superficiality within me. How often do I scrape away at one layer believing there is a depth, only to find myself stymied or merely scraping away at another superficiality. If depth is an extension of a thought intended to find a complexity of related and interwoven strands of thought to enable increasingly progressive understanding and action, then superficiality is excuses and justification as razor-thin-and-sharp tendrils grown from the original strand of thought and whipping about dramatically to stave off opposing strands of thought. Or sometimes superficiality is simply a strand of thought starved by apathy and atrophied by ignorance.

I am tempted to stop here for fear of merely scraping away at another superficiality. But no...

Other related thoughts I can call on to strengthen this (meta-depth) strand include:

• The value of uncertainty and skepticism enhanced by reasoned questioning;
• The importance of seeking dissent;
• The importance of tempering support;
• The constancy of random learning;
• The ability to listen (for understanding) to those individuals who disagree;
• The recognition of ego as a flotation device whose purpose is to keep one's thought on or very near the surface;
• The equitable application of all of these strands to both self and others.

Upon reflection, I see my ego as probably, (in most circumstance), the biggest hindrance to attaining any depth. I also see that I am guilty of first applying many of these strands to others, then (maybe – and to a lesser degree) to myself, which also frustrates depth.

There are some days of late in which I feel totally incapacitated; locked down in a catatonic frenzy of frustration and anger. And it is the excuses and justification, and the apathy and ignorance, that make me angry; that discourage and prevent the strengthening of strands. I am able to apply many of the strands listed above (at least to some small degree) to encourage depth of thought, but I struggle mightily in my efforts to listen to and to understand those who consistently practice superficiality. What are the advantages beyond a delusional sense of comfort and control? And perhaps to excuse injustice? Why is it so difficult for so many to turn their head even slightly, in order to see a sliver of reality? In order to see around or beyond their delusion? In order to see the future as dictated by their superficiality? And perhaps to see a possible future built instead from thoughtful depth?

Until many, many more of us are able to see a sliver of reality, it appears that we are all locked into this immobile insensibility; and in this state I prefer my catatonic frenzy over the alternative catatonic delusion.

… … … … …

Okay.

Perhaps I am hearing others now, for the moment, through myself. Perhaps widespread immobile insensibility is a glossing over of injustice. Perhaps I AM guilty of glorying within the righteousness of my catatonic frenzy of frustration and anger believing there is nothing more I can do. And perhaps this belief further frustrates depth by allowing my ego to pull my thoughts toward the surface.

I might still gravitate toward my catatonic frenzy if I believe the only other option is catatonic delusion. I cannot separate catatonic and delusion, but I suppose I could find a more public forum for my frenzy; though that would not guarantee mobility. To be angry out loud sometimes only serves to push me further from progress by consensus, which in turn fortifies the catatonia in my catatonic frenzy.

So which is best? An angry castigation, (likely ignored)? Or a seething silence? At least in a public forum I am candidly active; whereas in silence I am both ignored and unacknowledged.

Do you think that though immediately I am likely discounted and rejected... do you think it possible that the underlying sincerity and intensity may live on to (even slightly) influence another's sense of depth? Or, do you think that my public passion will only serve to enflame and entrench opposing superficiality?

Depth is the enemy of frivolous comfort and apathy and ignorance. Perhaps if my frenzy is quieted by an innocent candor, the relevance of depth may come across. Perhaps not.

Either way, it is what I see. I still prefer my catatonic frenzy over the alternative catatonic delusion; but I also feel I must become more active. I must create a sense of urgency, built on a faith that many, many more of us will turn our heads ever so slightly and be able to see a sliver of reality. And upon doing so, perhaps we will, more and more frequently, seek the depth that is preferable and necessary.

It must be an active faith.