I often find the process of organizing my thoughts in written form to be cathartic, and because I am personally (and selfishly) bothered in this moment, I am working toward the completion of this written thought, actively hoping to find this simple act will have eased my unease. If it has not, perhaps it will have given me some reasonable direction.

I am being taken advantage of at work, but I am not disturbed by the fact. I feel very strongly that if an individual does not feel taken advantage of in their job AND if their job performance does not reflect a consistent degree of “above and beyond” that is also consistent with the existential purpose of their job, then they are not performing to standard. A strong understanding of the job’s existential purpose, a strong work ethic, and a strong sense of responsibility leaves one with no other choice than to be taken advantage of. This is okay, and (for me) necessary. By choice, I have almost always felt taken advantage of in the workplace, and I feel this propensity has served me well. So as I said, I am not disturbed by the fact; but I am disturbed by a perceived aspect of the motivation.

In my current circumstance I feel that there is an additional layer of presumptuous imposition. I need to explore to determine if the reason for this additional layer, (as I perceive it), is substantive or imaginative.

I have a disability. To date, since 2006 I have only worked full time for 24 months in two different largely sedentary office positions. The first time (2014) I experienced difficulty. In my current position, I am managing the limitations well. For the past 12 years though, even in the context of the job, I have quietly lived my assigned definition in my assigned place. I believed this job would help me to escape this involuntary consignment.

With that said, I cannot lose sight of the fact that there are many, many other individuals from many, many other groups, who have for many, many years, been given a place, been constantly reminded of their place, and been cleverly kept in their place, to a much greater extent than I have experienced or could even imagine. So though I am (obviously) exposing personal human frailty by playing the “woe is me” card, I want to believe that my ultimate purpose is to extend this thinking to include this much broader perspective.

I believe it possible for “easy” to countermand good intentions. There is coherence in the “squeaky wheel” method of determining priorities. So the question I am asking this week is, “Are the decision-makers so attuned to the high-pitched squeak of high-powered egos that they are conditioned to not see the unease and to not hear the polite and respectful grumblings of an old man with a disability? Or, (in other circumstance), would the same be true of a young man with a different skin color?” I believe I understand that the prevailing opinion is that this old man should be happy to have a place. And he does say he is happy to have this new place, but is that because he has spent many years in a less comfortable place being reminded that he is less deserving? And how does any of this make it okay for these decision makers (inadvertently or not) to opt for easy? And to forgo any sense of urgency? If there is any validity to this line of inquiry, then there does indeed appear to be an additional imposition placed upon this old man that goes against the diversity and inclusion ideals professed by these powers. To presume that one will stay in their place because they have grown accustomed to it is an additional imposition, but it is often unrecognized as such because 1) a presumption is (by definition) careless and 2) we all naturally tend to stay in our lanes.

In my current position I am part of a subcommittee given the task of revising our holistic review process. I am very passionate about the importance of diversity and it is a substantial privilege to take part in this effort. But a nagging sub-question this week is, “How can I fight for equity for others, if I am unwilling to fight for myself?”

I do not want to reduce the demands of my job. I am so satisfied and energized by the circumstance that I would rather live with these doubts than reduce responsibilities. And this is why I am hesitant to act beyond this written thought.

I do not need the decision makers to explain their lack of a sense of urgency (as perceived by me). (If I do act beyond this written thought), I simply want them to consider my doubts and act according to their personal principles; (not according to some organizationally-imposed rhetorical platitudes). And, I want them to extend that consideration and (if there are any) those resulting actions, to encompass others who are also suffering presumptuous imposition.

One of the early management principles I learned from the writing of Stephen Covey was that we spend far too much effort putting out fires and not nearly enough effort taking care of those tasks that are important but not necessarily urgent. This may be more true today than it was thirty years ago.

Finding and resolving presumptuous imposition is important.

Diversity and equity are important.

Holistic review is important.

From where I sit, we are lacking urgency where urgency is most needed and most important.

Or perhaps I am simply an impatient old man