Think of a time when you were asleep and dreaming; a pleasant, calm and peaceful dream. Perhaps a dream touched by a friendly yearning, and maybe tinged with a soft, bittersweet emotion. Don't try to remember details. Don't think about the circumstance or the setting, either in your life or in the life of your dream. Just remember the feeling; relive the warm glow, and the gentle hunger...
Got it?...
Now, hold on to that feeling and contrast it with a particular stark and difficult reality; a reality uncomfortable and abrasive, and specific to you…
Hold it...
Hold it...
… … … … …
How long were you able to hold on to your peace? How strong was the disappointment? How wrong was your dream?
Odds are, the dream is to your stark reality, as your stark reality is to the underlying reality surrounding us all. Odds are, in your dream you are living your death, and in your life you are living your dream.
Sadly, it is time to wake up.
To believe that I am in control, and that my life has meaning and purpose, because I (usually) pay my bills on time, or because I perpetuate bureaucracy, or because I have Netflix, or because I identify with us, is to be caught up in the superficial trappings of a man-made, artificial validity that invalidates understanding; that invalidates depth; that invalidates wisdom; that invalidates Truth.
I am embarrassed to think what I think and still sit here quietly, sipping my soup and watching the important busyness all around me. I want to stand up and shout! But of course, I won't. I wonder if there are other like-minded frustrations, sitting nearby, threatening this dreamlike status quo. I wonder if there are other like-minded torments, in this place, in this moment, seeking the company of my torments. I wonder if there are other like-minded uncertainties, wandering, lost, and afraid, in this delusion.
Some would say I am the one living a lie. And under the necessity of my uncertainty alongside their unshakable certainty, I won't argue. But I will continue to believe that to know is to give up and to give up is to die; but to be uncertain is to demand questions and to question is to live.
A certainty is an end.
A question is a beginning.
In the span of my life...
- I have been shut up, and I have been shut down.
- I have been held up, and I have been held down.
- I have been given too much blame, and I have been given too much credit.
- I have been given opportunity, and I have been forgiven transgressions.
- I have been given a place, I have made my own place, and I have been put in my place.
- I have had dreams, I have lived nightmares, I have faced stark realities, and I have been bored.
This ebb and flow is specific to the individual. As a people, as a state or nation, as the entirety of all past, present and future Humanity, there is no ebb and flow; there is only ubiquitous reality and unmindful delusion. This is not to say that we have not evolved and progressed. We have. Rather, this is to say that I must expand the moment beyond simply my moment. I must expand the moment beyond my dream, beyond my death, beyond my life, and beyond this delusion. We must expand the moment to include the complete tapestry of individual past, present and future stark realities.
A daunting task. It is much easier to hold on to my dream, to ignore my reality, and to live my death. No questions asked. No consideration given.
Think of a time when you were awake and questioning; full of wonder and energy, amazed by the magic of possibility, and touched by a vibrant skepticism. Was this today? Or yesterday? Last week? Or last year? Or do you have to reach all the way back to your childhood? Regardless, find that feeling and remember it. Relive the passionate strength, the effervescence, the vitality...
Got it?...
Now, hold on to that feeling from when you remember it at its most powerful, and contrast that with how you feel today.
Today we are living our death.
Imperatively, it is time to wake up.