This has been a very busy week and I am making excuses but it looks like I am on a stream of consciousness parade of words with some thoughts thrown in but mostly I guess more of a stream of subconsciousness or perhaps a stream of unthought but hopefully not a stream of unconsciousness unless of course I am in a Matrix in which case I guess it really doesn't matter but then I think (or unthink or subconsh) that perhaps conshing doesn't matter either except in regards to conshing which is a made up word for a concept that to me for right now means asserting my superiority over beings I am superior to which if this is indeed conshing it is not very meanigful even though it is all about meaning and what does that say about my pitiful efforts to assert meaning where there is none except for that meaning which is meaningful of which there is some because otherwise what drives me to continue to assert unless that might just be emotion which does not make me in any way superior so that's not possible but then neither is time travel unless there is no such thing as time beyond the meaning that I give it to make it meaningful which brings us right back to conshing and the potentially devastating unthought that this is all made up and even if I'm not in a Matrix of a more powerful someone else's doing perhaps I am in a Matrix of my own doing but as long as I don't know this with certainty I can continue to consh along oblivious to the facts that show me most definitively unsuperior but also show me most definitively equally as necessary or equally as unnecessary but I choose to believe necessary not only because it is consensus opinion (the necessary part not necessarily the equal part) but also because I believe in conshing be it straight sub or un so for example this morning I got up with a runny nose and a cough and I could have stayed home to feel sorry for my more superior self but instead I got up and walked to work because I have found that to fight through adversity makes me feel even more superior but I tell myself that to work hard and add productivity is more meaningful than quiescent self-pity and while this appears logical maybe it is just justification for the extent I must go to feel superior which means it is just conshing or false meaning which is sad which is okay because sadness more than any other emotion reminds me that I am human and connects me to other equally as necessary humans because regardless of whether or not it is just conshing, superiority through hard work has got to pay off in some small way and if we could all find our superiority through hard work maybe it would pay off in a bigger way like survival and a world that we can be proud to leave for our kids and their kids and their kids and their kids and their kids and their kids and their great-great-great-great-great-grandkids and on and on until maybe the dinosaurs come back which just came out of nowhere if you want to call the place where my unthought originates nowhere but perhaps there is some validity in believing that technology could produce a world in which we could bring back nature but not the Jurassic Park apocalyptic kind of nature but one in which the dinosaurs smile and I could shake hands with that one with the really little hands and that would be very cool but I want to be clear that I am actually talking about the dinosaur and not referring to a general sense of old people with small hands nor any specific old person with small hands as I just realized that you may believe I am saying something I am not and so as not to belabor the point about no hidden agenda I will go back to sadness which is such an important driver and at least for me a next door neighbor and close friend to compassion and a roommate to humility though even these kind and gentle sounding drivers are probably just more ways to feel superior but I would rather ride on the backs of humilty and compassion as they are led by sadness to a generous and giving superior workplace than to ride on the backs of fear and hate as they are being led by anger to a distant place of a superior us throwing rocks at an inferior them though I do occasionally take anger out for a spin I always try to park it back in its reserved spot and take the long walk winding up and down hills and through the alleys and streets back to my neighborhood with sadness and humility and compassion and Gosh! I sure would like to shake hands with that dinosaur with the really little hands. Bye.