I write regularly. I write to inspire one person to think at a deeper level in order to act more thoughtfully. Today that person is me. One day I will no longer be inspired; or even inspirable. When that day comes, I hope that my written thought will allow me to live on in spirit by inspiring another to think at a deeper level in order to act more thoughtfully. I will not be so bold as to presume I will influence more than one, (and one is merely the most viable goal I can reach for), but I will be so bold as to believe that for the sake of Humanity, we must find inspiration to think at a deeper level in order to act more thoughtfully.

Today it is necessary for me to write for me. Seven weeks ago I submitted written thought espousing “A freedom to define myself, without apologizing.” To test this possibility, recently I have shared some written thought with a select few and reactions have reminded me that as a person each of us is sluggish and slow because each of us is overloaded with empirical baggage; baggage that limits freedom. Some are so overloaded that they can no longer reach for their intangible, ineffable, ethereal spirit. Others choose to cease communications with this furtive, incomprehensible self. Still others make some effort to communicate but do so on a schedule and/or according to convention. And I have found that after I work to communicate spiritually with another, I have picked up additional baggage dropped off by the recipient of my effort. Often, this additional baggage is not left intentionally but because this sudden drive-by attempted spiritual connection takes them by surprise. I believe though that perhaps an initial one-way spiritual reach will ultimately/eventually touch another in some way. It may feel clumsy and I may be uncomfortable with the result, but perhaps I can learn to immediately offload the additional baggage that has come in the form of this worrisome fumbled exchange, knowing that the potential would not otherwise be.

This encumbrance, this physical self that I am forced to drag with me most everywhere I go, is an excuse that I use to forgive myself for losing sight of, ignoring and/or compartmentalizing my spiritual self. “I don’t feel good.” “I need to rest.” “I just want to watch my (mindless, inane) TV show and go to bed.” “I really need that last piece of coconut cream pie.” “I overslept.” “I just don’t have time.” “She wouldn’t understand.”I don’t want to overstep my bounds.” “I don’t want to make him mad.” “They would make fun of me.”

Yes, there are times when my body truly slows me down, but I believe this is an exception because I believe that as long as one retains mental acuity one can always find a workaround; one can always make a better choice; one can always think deeper thoughts. Some of the excuses above, (look at the last four), illustrate one’s aversion to mental baggage that may result from spiritual (or at least truthful and sincere) effort. Regardless of their explicability, because these feelings include physical reaction, they are excuses. Think about it; anxiety is fear and fear elicits a physical reaction. It is difficult-to-nearly-impossible to completely escape the bounds of one’s empirical baggage.

But I come closer to that freedom with written thought. And when I work to share that spiritual sense of my self, no matter the baggage dropped by others at my feet, and no matter how much of that baggage I feel compelled to pick up, I owe no apology. To some, if I am disagreeing with an entrenched personal belief, it may feel like a physical attack. It is not. I am simply encouraging them to think at a deeper level in order to act more thoughtfully. Any physical reaction is a result of personal fears and anxieties, and for that I will not apologize.

When one works to express the ineffability of spirituality it often comes across as weak and disjointed platitudes. As I said, I come closer to escaping the bounds of my empirical self in the solitudinous depths of my written thought; and this in turn can be translated into more thoughtful action. But, though actions really do speak (to others) louder than words, I must first have the words thought and felt at a deeper level of my self in order to act more and more thoughtfully. So perhaps the takeaway, the reminder, is that spirituality is an individual endeavor that must constantly evolve. And perhaps this is why I instinctively stated that I must focus my efforts on only one individual. Today that individual is me.

But if my efforts to share personal spirituality have the potential to touch another in such a way that this other individual is encouraged to actively pursue their own spiritual growth, (and I am recognizing that there is that potential), then I also feel compelled to share. I am at a crossroads. For more than seven years I have kept my written thought to myself. Today I see additional potential; one individual at a time. And though I am somewhat anxious about the possibility of additional baggage that may result from sharing, I should not apologize for sharing this truer version of me.

Forgive the repetition.

Forgive the repetition. Two or three themes stand out:
1. Individually, we need to think at a deeper level in order to act more thoughtfully;
2. There is little to no potential for inspiration if I am unwilling to share my essence; and
–2a. I should not have to apologize.

Those who define any aspect of their world as “us and them” in that regard are unable to reach toward their essence. There are many individuals who align their empirical identity with an “us” and cringe at the concept of global or universal oneness. What I believe many people have some difficulty grasping is that this unity, this wholeness, is not a result of me magnanimously immersing myself in a global identity; this harmonious accord comes about as a result of me stripping away my ego, offloading my empirical baggage, and having no choice but to a) recognize the relative inconsequentiality of my empirical impact, b) see the wonder and import of ALL (past, present and future) Humanity, and c) let go.

It is interesting that for one to find their personal essence, one must lose their personal essence.

The good news, (or bad news), is that the world will invade my peace, reinstate my ego and remind me again of my empirical baggage. But perhaps by thinking, and writing, alone, and then working to thoughtfully share my essence, I will on occasion return to my essence. And perhaps each time I journey back and forth, I can offload a little more baggage and pick up a little less. And perhaps this will bring me incrementally greater peace within this physical self and within this physical world. And when I come close to the point in which I am no longer inspired or inspirable, perhaps I will have found the peace to carry me through.

Recent studies have hinted that uncertainty that comes about from lowering one’s defenses actually enhances neuroplasticity enabling one to make more connections and think at deeper levels in order to act more thoughtfully / spiritually / essentially. Yes, more repetition; but I believe that is another major theme coming from this week’s written thought. In my case it is restless repetition. Repeated journeys, in and out, back and forth, over and over, here and there, questioning conventional wisdom, searching for a different angle from which to approach my essence. Skeptical spirituality. Shared; one person at a time.

Perhaps my restlessness as demonstrated merely reflects the pervasive restlessness apparent in a majority of individuals in recent years. Leading up to 2016 and continuing through today, it appears that we feel change is necessary. And to our credit, we are sharing truthful and sincere effort but I believe it is misguided. I believe this blanket restlessness is motivated by a desire for predictable comfort and security which appears to be a reasonable inclination, but is misguided because the underlying desire is actually for mindlessly pleasant repetition. I believe we should seek security through the adversity of repeated journeys seeking personal spirituality, while acknowledging the necessity of uncertainty.

Looking more closely at these elements:

• I must recognize the value of, and I must consistently choose, adversity over comfort.
• I should focus on how I can contribute to the security of future generations and not on the warm-fuzzy security of my favorite TV show and a big slice of coconut cream pie.
• I must seek uncertainty, I must value uncertainty, and I must acknowledge that predictability is a delusional myth.
• I must reject mindlessness and consistently choose to think at a deeper level in order to act more thoughtfully.
• And I must seek spirituality and offload empirical baggage.

This week I am reading Michael Pollan’s newest book “How to Change Your Mind”. It is an examination of how psychedelics, (such as psilocybin and LSD), aid in expanding one’s consciousness by stripping away the ego, and from there how this process can help with addiction, depression, and fear of death; mental illness and anxieties that may result from rigid or confined thinking. Psychedelics temporarily create thousands of new connections in the human brain and leave a lasting impression of that potential. This is where I am working to be when I write alone.

Nearing the end of the book, a correlation is made between the openness, creativity, and diversity of thought in an adult human brain influenced by psychedelics and those same characteristics in a newborn baby brain influenced by Life. As the years progress the “Default Mode Network” takes over and we lose the ability to consistently think at a deeper level. Last week I was able to watch my 6 month old granddaughter living the wonder of her new Life. It is pretty cool to think that babies are tripping all of the time. But as adults, the default mode network is more than okay; it is necessary for us to be able to translate the potential of thousands of new connections into more thoughtful action.

Repeated journeys.
In and out.
Back and forth.
Over and over.
Here and there.
Questioning conventional wisdom.
Different angles.
Approach my essence.
Skeptical spirituality.
Shared.
One person at a time.
Restless repetition.

Restless repetition.