It is not so much devoid or bereft as it is heavily burdened.

And it is more joyfully (almost effortlessly) uplifted than it is simply happy or satisfied.

These are two different moments on opposite ends of a spectrum. The first is not gravity pulling me down, but a weight from above forcing me to my knees and, at its worst, to a prone position of seeming helplessness. The second seems, (but may not be), more momentary, fleeting, but intense; a brief yet vibrant rush of energy that seemingly repeals gravity. Both are movement. Both are (seemingly) involuntary. Both are memorable. One seems (too) frequent and the other seems (too) infrequent; regardless of their frequency.

The crushing weight is a reminder of reality. The uplifting ebullience is a momentary glimpse of Possibility. Both are of this world. And together they represent the bounds of my personal spirituality.

To know reality so I may glimpse Possibility. To rise from beneath a crushing weight so I may continue my search for Truth and Wisdom. One is ugliness; the other, beauty. One is a cold and depthless darkness; the other, a warm and radiant awareness. One is a roaring silence; the other, the magic of music. One is selfishly oblivious denial; the other, thoughtfully acquisitive skepticism. One is maniacal screams; the other, beneficent words. One is obedient quiescence; the other, resolute suffering. One cannot be, without the other. To know reality so I may glimpse Possibility.

(For me) personal spirituality is not a belief, nor a leap of faith. (For me) personal spirituality is a volitional knowledge that demands movement preceded by words preceded by thought. (For me) personal spirituality is individual; personal. (For me) personal spirituality is not commodification. (For me) personal spirituality is personal inevitability as sustenance.

And then there is the in-between. There is a lot of in-between. To translate personal spirituality so I may incorporate it into my in-between, my daily living, I study, I work, I listen, I consider, I laugh, I cry, I serve, I continue. And by considering my personal spirituality and my translation, I understand that this process of living is not about me in any way other than - I interpret. In some circumstance it is difficult to remember that I interpret and that is all. To interpret is to add substance and meaning, and it is difficult to know just what added meaning was meant and how much added meaning is too much. "I interpret" can easily become "I decide" which is a very short distance from "I denounce" and to decide and/or denounce requires a leap, (i.e. belief), and to exhort belief is to deny reason. Reason is very important to my personal spirituality and reason will get lost in that vast space between "I interpret" and "I denounce" impacting a considerable cross-section of my in-between. To avoid this slippery slope, I interpret reasonably and (when possible and appropriate) I ask questions for clarification.

Despite the practicalities necessary for the in-between, (and there is a lot of in-between), there remains a hint of esoteric mystery surrounding any concept of spirituality. (For me) it is important to limit this abstruse thinking to those momentary extremes. I am of this world and my job is to be Human. (For me) that means here; in the in-between. My actions here will determine my there. Regardless of personal belief, simple mindless obedience will not determine one's there. And regardless of personal belief, what I do here, in my in-between, must be personally, intimately individual; and I believe this to be the case for most individuals, even those caught up in ritual or dogma. If one finds comfort in ritual, that comfort should not be denied; but I am actively hopeful that dynamic reliance on dogma will continue its decline, and that more and more individuals will rise from crushing weights and heavy burdens and obedient quiescence to do their job.

I study, I work, I listen, I consider, I laugh, I cry, I interpret, I reason, I serve, I continue.