It is funny. I have always thought I possessed the intelligence and capabilities to come into some renown. Precocious, I know. But here's the funny part: Now that I am where I am in my Life, I am deciding that I do not want renown until I am dead. I believe it would mess me up. I want to stay cynical and skeptical and argumentative and truthful. I want to keep saying things that I believe need to be said with no fear of losing comfort and security. In this moment of clarity, I have neither comfort nor security, and therefore, nothing to lose. Each week, each day, each moment, is precarious; and I believe this to be true for each and every one of the 7,617,292,489 individuals here in this present moment. Some just don't ever experience any moments of clarity to help them realize that their comfort and security is delusional.  I believe I have sprinkled a few moments of clarity throughout my written thought and I would like to continue to do so. To come across any type of renown at this point, I believe, would only taint and smear that potential. If anything, I need to become more truthful; more straightforward; meaner; surlier. I want the world to experience exponential clarity; and though I am reasonably confident that my contribution will be miniscule, once dead, I would like that my work receive its rightful amount of renown. Not for me (obviously), but for its potential contribution.

Last week I was focusing on the eyes and working very hard to discern the thoughts of my brand-new 9-day-old granddaughter. This consideration prompted the thoughts above and is driving the thoughts to come. I would like to think that we are going to see, (despite some recent hiccups), continued progress in thoughtful, forward-thinking intelligence. With this in mind, as I was soaking up the energy of this wonderfully new and beautiful baby, I ascribed to her the following thoughts:

Hi New World,

And because you are new to me, I have a lot to do and I have a lot to learn. Thank you for the opportunity. Here in the first two weeks of my Life, between the crying and the eating and the pooping and the hiccuping and the sleeping, I think of how much I would like to know you; all of you.

I am already thinking about two things. For one, I am already learning about precarious. You know, if Life has its way we be upside down more often than right side up. And there will be days and weeks and even years with too much blood rushing to my head; but if I use that surge and flow to think and then do, and then think and then do, and then think and then do, and I don't let all the upside-down just make me do-do-Do-Do-DO, then maybe I come out right-side-up. And maybe not. That's precarious.

I am happy to know that I will have people to help me think because once I figure out these flailing appendages and this surrounding verbal ca-ca, I am going to get busy doing and may forget so much to think. Right now and for the warm, secure time before now, I have lots of thinking. It may not seem that way since I can't yet process meaning, but doesn't that make it more pure; and more powerful. My Grandad says that thinking always loses something in translation, so my thinking right now must be more whole. And so along with precarious, my other biggest thinking tells me to trust. I mean, besides the small matter of having no choice, I think we will think and then do a lot more better, together. I want us to trust and think and do together.

I really, really, really want us all to trust and think and do together. All of us.

Please trust me that my unprocessed, unfiltered, unverbal thinking is from my heart. I mean, where else could it be coming from?

Thank you for listening to me. Now I have to flail and cry and poop and think some more really big and wonderful thinking.

Thank you for listening to me.

I have faith that more and more of our children will be raised to think and then do, together; realizing that thoughtless divisiveness is counterproductive, and will more often lead to upside-down. There are days in which I push myself to experience that contrast between upside-down and right-side-up. There are days, (such as today), when I push myself beyond my typical physical workout. (Typically, once or twice a week, I will walk 3 to 4 miles and swim for an hour-and-a-half. Today, I walked an additional 3 to 4 miles.) I do this because it is a condensed understanding of the transformation from upside-down to right-side-up; and it reminds me that the highs, (even the relatively level highs of normal), are much higher when the lows are lower. It reminds me that the lows can always be lower. It reminds me that if there are no lows, there can be no highs. And it reminds me that the lows are more meaningful as actual experience; (as opposed to vicarious clucks of sympathy).

I am currently rereading "The Gift" written by Lewis Hyde, in which he differentiates between work and labor. Work is more like "Do" and labor is more like "unfiltered, unprocessed, unverbal thinking." Work is typically connected to a job and/or "the machinery of the market" whereas "labor has its own schedule. Things get done, but we often have the odd sense that we didn't do them." Mr. Hyde quotes Paul Goodman who once said, "I have recently written a few good poems. But I have no feeling that I wrote them." Mr. Hyde goes on to say, "That is the declaration of labor. ...we wake up to discover the fruits of labor." [pg. 64] Mr. Hyde's specific point being, that to validate and complete a gift exchange, there must be labor from which the original recipient becomes one with the gift and thereby is able to pass it on. I believe my realization (stated above) that renown / success will taint my (written) thought, is an indication of my personal gifting process. My labor must continue throughout the entirety of my Life in order for me to properly show gratitude for these gifts I have been given. Gifts that of course begin with Life itself (as seen in the eyes of my granddaughter), and have carried forward into love, and learning, and purpose, and passion, and a realistic and active ignorance (of my personal limitations) that allows me to believe I can save the World. Life, love, learning, purpose, passion, ignorance; all of which intertwine into knowing upside-down and (on occasion) right-side-up.

And because I am still diligently working to save the World, I must also consistently recognize and experience highs and lows, and upside-down and right-side-up, and precarious and trust, and divisiveness and interdependence, and work and labor, and hiccups and poop, and all forms of comfort and adversity that will demand a Life that will sufficiently justify and celebrate a Death. I don't believe that my efforts alone will Save the World; (but you never know, so I am compelled to make that effort). However, I do believe that if my efforts were duplicated by even 1,523,557,915 of the (in this moment) 7,617,789,574 individuals in this World, then we would experience exponential clarity and that clarity might yet allow us to Save the World, together.

Life without trust, is more precarious. Trust without Life is more vicarious. I believe that an excess of vicarious undermines, yet (some may argue that) an excess of precarious impairs judgment. I would argue that vicarious encourages conformity whereas precarious discourages conformity. Precarious is a reality. Vicarious is a mind game. By realizing that absolute unconditional trust is precarious, I can still seek a balance of trust, while consciously rejecting vicarious, and I will still know precarious. But within this dynamic of precarious / vicarious, it is not finding a balance; it is not drawing a line; it is not completely ridding myself of vicarious; it is an "ever-shifting, jelly-like, globular whole" in which I must allow precarious to dominate; it is an opportunity for my Death, (i.e. my Life after the fact), to become more meaningful.