Sunday: Today I woke up wondering, "What is it all about?" As I pondered this question in the quiet early morning hours, it became somewhat obvious that the ultimate goal must be survival. And since I will not survive this world, my ultimate goal should be to aid the world in its quest for survival; most notably, I am concerned with the survival of humanity, but if the world around us does not survive, it is unlikely we will hold on alone. So today I kept this thought close in my mind as I spent a sizable portion of my day in the pursuit and capture of food, drink, and fun. Specifically, today was all about grilled / smoked chicken marinated in and basted with a white bbq sauce, a pint of Guinness followed by a pint of hard cider, guests, and board games. I believe social civility and time to recharge contribute to the constructive propagation and ultimate survival of Humanity.
Monday: Today I made a mistake. I am very hard on myself when I make an avoidable error; some tell me I am too hard on myself. Though I can come up with multiple legitimate justifications for this lapse, I can also come up with multiple ways in which I could have avoided this logistical snafu. I was not thorough. In recent years I do not have the number of opportunities for redemption that I once did; so when I blow an opportunity to exhibit responsibility, (as I did this morning), I feel I have reduced even further the possibilities for future opportunities. I have always, (even as a child), had very high expectations. In recent years I have discovered that I am the biggest screw-up I know; but I also recognize that this is so because I am on such intimate terms with myself. I know EVERY SINGLE misstep I make or even think about making. I believe if there were a way to measure my rotten apples to another's rotten apples, I would find that I am a fairly typical human, with a fairly typical number of rotten apples. I tell myself this and I am (eventually) able to move past the breach; but only after I am too hard on myself. I believe one should learn from their mistakes. I will always have high expectations. As I gain Life experience, I have come to believe that these high expectations should be---(exclusively?)---focused on myself. I will continue to be too hard on myself. I will continue to learn and grow. I believe learning and growth are necessary for the constructive propagation and ultimate survival of Humanity.
Early Tuesday morning thought: I do not want to believe in a God who has a chosen people. It appears that most people who claim a strong faith in their God also believe they are amongst his (or her) chosen people and all others will (and can) go to Hell. I believe this purposeful divisiveness has the potential for destructive propagation and the ultimate extinction of Humanity.
Tuesday, end of day: Today I listened, asked questions, interpreted, and translated. I did so efficiently, effectively, and with considerable regard and respect for all parties involved. Additionally, I helped to maintain the consistency and integrity of a process that, (once translated and communicated), will have impact on many lives for many years to come. I took this task seriously and I worked very hard for a beneficially productive outcome. I believe all parties involved took this task seriously and worked very hard for a beneficially productive outcome. I believe that to be efficient and effective, communication must be mutually respectful and beneficially productive. I believe efficient and effective communication to be a result of empathic listening for understanding, skeptical questioning, thoughtful interpretation, and careful translation. I believe efficient and effective communication to be a result of very serious, hard work. I believe efficient and effective communication to be necessary for the constructive propagation and ultimate survival of Humanity.
Wednesday: It is not that I object to being objectified; especially when I consider the enormity of the scope of Humanity. But it is irksome to be specifically objectified by one who appears to have little or no concept of the enormity of the scope of Humanity. Today this inner consternation bubbled to the surface when a repeat offender once again reminded me of my place. I know I have a place. I am slotted and defined accordingly by each individual interaction; and this is not only okay, it is often necessary. But repetitive, one-on-one interactions consistently characterized by unnecessary reminders, dismissive interruptions, and an "I'LL TALK---YOU LISTEN" condescending aggressiveness, is not okay. It is irksome. It is also a helpful reminder to keep my personal ego in check, consistently practice efficient and effective communication, and utilize objectification only when necessary as a tool for organization. I believe an active recognition of the enormity of the scope of Humanity is necessary for the constructive propagation and ultimate survival of Humanity.
Thursday: Today I crossed a finish line. The crowd cheered, I raised my arms in victory, I looked around for congratulations, and I realized the crowd had already dispersed and the other competitors had disappeared. As I thought on this, I began to wonder if I had only imagined the other competitors. I would swear I felt them breathing down my neck; but I guess I never did actually turn to see them. And the crowd? I know I heard them cheer. But it "was" a rather brief and unenthusiastic cheer. Perhaps they were merely cheering the end of the race. I guess if I had to hang around to watch one guy cross a finish line, I might lack enthusiasm, and be ready to move on, as well. Regardless, I enjoyed the race. And maybe it is okay that I was the only entrant. Perhaps I was breathing down my own neck, urging myself onward. And perhaps by competing hard, against and with myself, I have found an evenly-matched foe. Perhaps I now also recognize my inner agent, trainer, coach, and cheerleader; and based on this crowd reaction, I believe I will let my agent and cheerleader go. They feel extraneous. The competition though, was fierce; and, (though when the crowd sees only one competitor, I understand it is difficult to measure), my performance was top-notch. So "Congratulations!" to the trainer, the coach, and all the competitors.
Whether with oneself, or an individual or team with other opponents, competition should not be mistaken for divisiveness. Arrogant, disrespectful competition can lead to divisiveness. Volitional competition in pursuit of mutual excellence will lead to synergy and an interdependence of respectful creative tension which is necessary for the constructive propagation and ultimate survival of Humanity.
Friday: Today I bought some music; "Mule Variations" and "The Low Highway" from Tom Waits and Steve Earle respectively. I'm on my way home now for a listen.
Music is magic. I believe I find it magical partially because I will never understand the wonder of its creation. How does one mind, or more than one mind in collaboration, turn ideas and thoughts into such moving, universal expressions of Love, Sadness, Joy, Jealousy, Exhilaration, Anger, Energy, Fear, Confusion, Peace, Pain, Guilt, Loneliness... I see some imaginative / creative / framing / inspirational correlation with writing, from personal experience; but to translate the sound in one's head into the harmonies of musical vocalization and instrumentation is amazing. For me, it is magic.
The wonderment gives a depth to the enjoyment. I don't need to invent an explanation for what I cannot explain. I can (and I do) study and contemplate to better understand, but it is not only okay, I feel it is necessary to leave some questions unanswered. To do otherwise is misleading and (in some cases) delusional. I will never know, with absolute 100% certainty, "all" the intricacies of musical creation. I can search; and I do. I can conjecture; and I do. I can ask questions; and I do. And each time I gain a bit of understanding, I can enjoy the remaining mysteries; and I do. I believe an active acknowledgement of the wonder of creation is necessary for the constructive propagation and ultimate survival of Humanity.
Saturday: Today I unplugged a vacuum cleaner hose that had accumulated what seemed to be mostly a conglomeration of pine needles and dog hair. Four months ago my cardiologist unplugged some arteries that had accumulated what was most likely a five year conglomeration of stress, anger, and genetics. Six years ago my cardiologist unplugged some arteries that had accumulated what was most likely a fifty year conglomeration of fried chicken, potato chips, coconut cream pie, stress, anger, and genetics. I have now learned how to take apart the vaccum cleaner hose. It took fifty years to learn that a steady diet of fried chicken, potato chips, and coconut cream pie was not a heart-healthy diet. I am now working at reducing excessive stress and anger. I am afraid genetics cannot be unlearned.
Healthful habits lead to a greater likelihood of extended survival. Each day this week I have translated various events and thoughts into an analysis of the constructive propagation and ultimate survival of Humanity. I have, in a sense, unplugged daily tunnel vision, clearing away the pine needles and dog hair, in order to see beyond the commonplace regularity of one's everyday Life. Humanity must begin to practice more healthful habits. For me, this begins with me. I believe each day, and each moment, is an opportunity to work toward the constructive propagation and ultimate survival of Humanity.