--"911; what is your emergency?"

--"I've had some bad thoughts. I'm afraid."

--"Sir, could I have your name and location?"

--"No. I don't want to be hasty or reckless."

--"Sir, is there a crime in progress."

--"To this point no laws have been broken."

--"We are unable to ID your phone number or location. Please state the nature of your emergency."

--"I told you, there is no emergency; but I am afraid. I had those dreams again last night."

--"Okay sir. I'm trying to understand. Can you tell me if anyone is there with you?"

--"There are others nearby."

--"Is anyone in danger?"

--"I don't think so. No immediate danger. Everyone looks okay. Everyone appears calm. ...just going about their business."

--"In that case, if it's okay, I'm going to let you talk to someone else. Will you hold on for just a moment while I get Sara on the line."

--"I don't want to be swept under a rug! And I don't want to be treated like a nut!"

--"No sir. I understand that, and I won't transfer you if you don't want me to. It's just that I'm supposed to answer emergency calls like when someone's hurt or in immediate danger. It's Sara's job to listen as long as you need her to. But it's completely up to you."

--"And if I don't like Sara, can she transfer me back to you?"

--"Absolutely. My name's Ben and I'm not going anywhere."

--"Okay; go ahead. But it better not be more than a minute."

--"I promise; and thank you. I think you'll like Sara."

... ... ... ...

--"Hello, this is Sara. Can you tell me your name?"

--"No... ...but you can call me John."

--"Okay John. From what Ben told me, you might be upset and you said you were afraid. Can you tell me what you are afraid of?"

--"You know what I'm afraid of, and I also told Ben that I didn't want to be treated like a nut; so watch the tone."

--"You're right John, and I'm sorry; but until I understand a little more, I typically tread lightly."

--"I understand that. I guess you never know who you're dealing with."

--"That's so true John. My first impression of you though is that you're a straight shooter. It sounds like you'd prefer honesty, even if it hurts, over being patronized. Am I wrong?"

--"No Sara, you're right on the money. I'm much less likely to get pissed if you tell me how you see it. I may not always agree, but it's a helluva lot better than feeling used - like someone's running a game on you."

--"So it's okay to respectfully disagree."

--"It's required."

--"Good John. I don't disagree with that. But I'm glad to know I could if I wanted."

--"Like I said... it's required... ...sounds like you may have a sense of humor. That's rare these days. Most people seem to appreciate subtle, sarcastic humor, but many are too superficial to express it well."

--"I'm not sure I understand."

--"See... ...that's perfect. It's like most people don't seem to want to connect or don't know how; they just want to advance their agenda, which usually isn't even their agenda, but somebody else's; and what they don't get is that all these agendas don't really belong to anybody, but to everybody."

--"So you're saying that we're all collectively responsible for everything that happens; all the connections and disconnects."

--"Exactly! Most people don't see that."

--"So if we're all responsible, does that include you John?"

--"Of course it does. I am no more and no less important and every bit as responsible as any other individual."

--"Are you alone John?"

--"Well, no one can hear our conversation if that's what you mean."

--"So there are others nearby. And as we said earlier I can be honest, so I've got to tell you I'm concerned about the people around you."

--"Well Sara, when I first called I was too; just a little. Sometimes the anger... ... ... ...well anyway, you don't need to worry now. I do get worked up in my head sometimes and I don't have a lot of patience for stupidity, but I also usually calm down fairly quickly and realize that what I see as stupidity is really just obliviousness. And, I'm sure many people see me as stupid or oblivious as well. I see myself that way in certain situations. But you can't get mad at people for being human."

--"No we shouldn't; but sometimes it's hard not to. So now that we've determined everyone else is okay, what can I do to help you John?"

--"Do you know how tough it is... ...how demeaning it can be to ask for help? I think back to times when someone has come to me for help and I know I sounded patronizing and judgmental, and now that I ask for help... ...well, maybe it's just payback - what goes around comes around. Do you believe in that?"

--"I don't know John. I actually have thought about that quite a bit and while I sometimes like the idea of retribution and justice, I'm not sure that's even how it should work. I mean, sometimes I think I'd rather live the pain than to be oblivious, and I think some people are more prone to pain while others are just more naturally attuned to being oblivious. Maybe ignorance is bliss, but it's also still ignorance."

--"Well put. But I'm not sure that addresses whether it's better to share the pain and open yourself to judgment or ridicule, or if it's better to hold it in and work yourself up to a frenzy of anger and other emotions."

--"I guess that partially depends on who you have to share with; but I think sometimes we get into a state where we have to share with someone; even anyone; like you're doing here with me, now."

--"Hmm."

--"Tell me this John - you mentioned other emotions; if you can work yourself up to a frenzy of anger, do you ever work yourself up to a frenzy of any positive emotions?"

--"Yes, yes I do! Lately I've been watching other people closely and thinking a lot about some who I felt have done me wrong in the past and I am getting closer all the time to real compassion. Of course I will never perfect it, but the forced exercise of seeing through their eyes really helps me to understand their actions and to know that there is an immensity of factors that have impact on decisions; and one of those factors is me. And so how can I be upset with someone for a circumstance that I helped to create? And I realize there will never be a circumstance that I am a part of that I didn't impact in some way."

--"I like your thinking John."

--"The unfortunate part is that when I do work myself into a frenzy of positivity or goodness, I can share those emotions through actions and behaviors if not verbalization; but just like my dreams, most people don't want to hear negativity or pain."

--"So John, tell me about your dreams."

--"What's to tell? I hurt people."

--"Do you just hurt them? Or worse?"

--"Both. Sometimes I just want them to leave me be and so I'm just trying to hurt them, and sometimes I try to kill them but I'm not always successful; but sometimes I am."

--"Are they strangers or people you know?"

--"Strangers. Or at least I come out of the dreams not knowing; I can't put a face to any of them; I just remember the acts."

--"Do you think these dreams are normal and okay?"

--"I don't know about normal because I never hear anyone else talk about their 'killing' dreams, but then I don't suppose most people would. As for okay, I think that's irrelevant. They just are. I mean, they're honest; and I'm being honest about them. Somehow I think it would be worse to suppress them, don't you? It all sounds very Freudian..."

--"I don't know John. Unfortunately I'm not a dream expert. But as I said before, I agree with the honesty part. I think some of the worst monsters walk around wearing a smiley-face mask."

--"Ben was right. I do like you Sara. Your job is to listen, and you do that well, but you also contribute and make me think. So let me ask you a question."

--"Okay."

--"Are there degrees of bad, like gray areas, or is it all black and white? And I'm not talking about choosing between the lesser of two evils because I believe that is too often a justification and if we just took the time to think further outside the box we could avoid both evils. Here I am talking about the progression from feeling to thinking to acting to learning to absorbing and embracing. Since we are all human I know we all feel certain things that society or certain segments of society deem as 'bad' and then if we spend time thinking about those things is that worse? And then if we act on them? And then if they become habitual, and/or we incorporate them into our character? I mean, how do you know where to stop? By the time we absorb and embrace these 'bad' things, I suspect we no longer see them as bad."

--"Interesting. I agree that we all feel certain things that if acted upon would be bad. So I don't think feeling these things is bad, but I can see how thinking about them can be considered a gray area. As long as our thoughts did not turn into actions though, how can that be bad? Yet if we didn't think about them at all how could they possibly turn into actions? yet again, how can we control thoughts of others? And if they are free to think, why shouldn't I be free to think? And, I believe it is good to be truthful with oneself. And I also believe it is valuable to be free to express one's thoughts; to a point. So without turning this into Constitutional Law 101, I see your point that the further one travels along this progression the foggier it gets."

--"Yes! Until you absorb the light of indoctrination and no longer see what you once considered bad, as bad. It has become a part of you, so it must be okay."

--"Yes. I can see that. And I think a good example of that is usury. Did you know that some dictionaries still define any loan with any interest as usury? But now, look at us."

--"So Sara, are we saying that all progress and change is bad?"

--"No; not at all. Some progress advances Goodness, and to reflect this I would respectfully suggest that you amend your progression to include 'the light of learning and growth' alongside 'the light of indoctrination'. And I would consider the highest guiding principle for differentiating the two to be Do No Harm; and I believe untruthfulness to be harmful."

--"Good points. But how can we totally avoid harm?"

--"We can't. But we can progress in that direction by first doing no physical harm and then considering potential emotional, intellectual, and spiritual harm."

--"Wow. You've really thought this through."

--"I've had the advantage of talking to numerous thinkers, like yourself John."

--"And you have given me a lot to think about. I am now more confident that I will continue to successfully ride herd on my emotions. After all, I have had success with my anger."

--"And exactly how do you keep that anger in check?"

--"By not keeping it in check. I uncage it to wreak whatever havoc it might, to see how monstrous it can be; I watch it; I learn from it; I embrace it. I do this with many emotions, both positive and negative."

--"I'll be honest John; you're scaring me a little. That's never been a danger to yourself, or others?"

--"No."

--"And how can that be?"

--"Because I release it into these imaginary conversations... ...and so far, even in these imaginings, (which by the way are usually more honest and real than so-called reality), I have never hurt anyone and I always come back stronger. By separating and listening to all the voices, I always react more rationally. Thank you again Sara. You've helped me and I'm not as afraid now."

--"Any time John - Any time."