I have 3 topics heavily impacting my thought this week; each prompted by 3 completely unrelated sets of circumstance:

1. Suffering;
2. Disappointment; and
3. Exploitation.

So far in this Life, I have often found the emotional suffering of seeing someone close to me suffer, to be far more intense than any physical suffering experienced myself. Many would agree that the feelings of helplessness associated with this secondary suffering are such that you would willingly trade places. But would this be a loving sacrifice? Or would it be a gesture of self-aggrandizing exaltation? To determine where, along this spectrum, one’s intentions lie would require an objective determination of a) sincerity, b) individual perceived differences in the intensity of respective suffering as circumstance is reversed, and perhaps c) the magnitude of the sacrifice as compared to the magnitude of the resultant increase in power; (because with martyrdom does come a certain amount of power). Though this is a thought experiment, and I realize that one cannot, in most instances, actually, physically or emotionally, trade places, I do remember how a recent, personal hospital stay of my own upset my daughter, so perhaps I should give some thought to the possibility that my desire to trade places with her this week is selfish. Perhaps her feelings of helplessness were equally as (or more) intense three months ago than what I feel this week. Perhaps I need to be strong for her, from here.

Last week I was asked by a friend to read her recently-finished, first-draft novel she had written as part of her Master’s Program. I was flattered to be asked. She made me promise truthfulness. And being truthful, it was an enjoyable read. And also being truthful, I foresee some disappointment. I have experienced emotional attachment with personal creative effort, and I have experienced disappointment when a valued opinion of another is at odds with my own opinion that has perhaps been made murky by cross-eyed infatuation. In this case, it truthfully was an enjoyable read, but there are some gaps and some distractions. I believe that to help, I should truthfully point out the gaps and distractions without filling or correction. I have some filler suggestions, but it is her story and must remain so. I must refrain from filling gaps. And as for corrections, some general housekeeping, (from a copyedit perspective), I believe would be appropriate, but the detail (in this context of a Master’s Program) should probably be left to her. I cannot say with any degree of certainty what would be best for her story, but since asked, I can be, and I will be, truthful about the gaps and distractions.

There are many days I feel as if I am a mere conduit for others; a contrivance to assist another to move from point A to point B; a means to an end. Of late, in one particular setting/circumstance, it has become rare to feel as if I am respected; autonomous; an end unto itself. As I consider the flow reversed though, I also see that in many of my transactions with others, I too am often inclined to utilize another as a stepping stone. So if this is a common practice, at what point does one cross the line from a mutually agreed-upon transaction to exploitation. I have some thoughts. Nearly two years ago, (in the post “Devaluing Happiness“), I differentiated between market transactions and their related currencies, and human transactions and their related currencies. I believe any market transaction utilizing market currencies (including money, power, influence, and/or a claim for the greater good), but posing as a human transaction is an attempt at exploitation. I believe when the quantity or frequency or depth of market currencies noticeably outweigh the layers of human currencies (including trust, compassion, understanding, responsibility, respect, goodwill, emotional interaction, and productive two-way communication), yet an individual or organization claims a human transaction, the line has been crossed. Of late, in one particular setting/circumstance, this pretentious falsity of presenting a market transaction as a human transaction has crossed the line into exploitation.

It is an interesting convergence of thought. To share that one is in the midst of suffering, disappointment, and exploitation would very possibly elicit empathy and/or sympathy from some, yet to look closely it is likely that each one of us is experiencing some degree of each in some specific circumstance in any given week; perhaps not as sharply defined as this week, but nonetheless… And yes, at this point in my written thought, I could, (and I guess I will), repeat oft-stated beliefs that to examine and even embrace adversity will lead to learning and growth, whereas to ignore or deny the consistent existence of adversity will lead to a delusional, (though possibly comfortable), stagnation and ignorance.

So…

In addition to being a reminder, this week’s convergence of thought has also led me to recognize, (or at least consider the possibility), that:

1. I am more likely to aid another in the alleviation of their suffering by taking ownership of and remaining strong in my own suffering; and also by offering meaningful words of comfort, and (perhaps most importantly) thoughtful acts of service.
2. Each lifetime, each week, each day, and each moment will contain gaps and distractions, and (when asked) I should truthfully assist another in identifying those gaps and distractions; but I should not become a co-author.
3. When I am told that a human transaction minus human currencies plus market currencies remains equal to a human transaction, I should double check the math; and if I determine that the market currencies are greater than the human currencies, I should correct the math and share my equation. But if it is a circumstance not conducive to sharing or if I am unable to encourage subtraction of market currencies and/or addition of human currencies on the other side, I should recognize the exploitation and work toward a more equitable equation by adding market currencies and/or subtracting human currencies on my side. From experience, I have found that (unfortunately), as I add market currency and/or subtract human currency, eventually the equation will come to a sum of zero.

… … … … …

I have come to the end of this week. My daughter is improving, I am delivering (and feeling some personal backlash of) disappointment on Tuesday, and I will do my damnedest to avoid a zero sum equation. Overall, it has been a productive week.