I have been toting boxes for 8 years. It was then (8 years ago) that I was hit with a disability limiting my capabilities and stamina, thus creating a circumstance of chronic under-employment; (i.e. toting boxes). My experience has shown that if you are not physically fit, it does not matter how mentally fit you are, in the employment arena you will likely be consigned to toting boxes. In actuality, in this time, I have had a variety of jobs (most part-time due to my limitations) including customer service, quality control, human resources, administrative office, and even some supervisory / management, but in every case, I have been (for the most part) toting boxes.

We all spend a portion of our time toting boxes; there is no way around it. Some may say that toting boxes is all we do; I would argue that it doesn't have to be that way in all arenas. Even in those areas where we might feel under-utilized, I believe one can find some redeeming qualities. This is true of every job I have held in the past 8 years - each has offered some value and some challenge and reward, most usually in the human interaction aspects of the job, but also where I have been able to assist in and impact order and efficiency. And it is in the interest of order and efficiency that this week I accepted a new position - (you guessed it) - toting boxes. I will be carrying boxes from a conveyor to a delivery truck, and placing them on the truck in a predetermined order, to ensure efficient delivery. I find the thought of this new circumstance oddly comfortable. I believe this new job (toting boxes) will be satisfying in the aforementioned aspects of productivity, and rewarding in seeing a task efficiently completed; and it will avoid the (bureaucratic, political) frustration of toting boxes for the sake of toting boxes.

I don't believe any of us have ever had a paying job that did not require us to tote some boxes. For me, the difference between pre and post disability I believe is just that - the difference. I was able to make more of a difference / have more of an impact when I had no limitations. And when put in that light, it sort of makes sense; the less I can do, the less impact I will have. But I would argue that this perspective wastes valuable resources, by limiting accommodations. Anyone who is accommodated in any way (including simply being given a job opportunity despite limitations) is more likely subjected to the challenges of bureaucracy and politics, and less likely to overcome this entrenched power hierarchy; partially because the accommodatee has already overcome one challenge (their disability) to be in the job and therefore should be grateful and stay in their place. One accommodation (the simple granting of a job) should be enough - right?

No.

I believe accommodation means to 'create a circumstance encouraging one to strive toward their fullest potential, and allowing one to contribute maximal productivity' starting with choosing the best person for the job, and continuing with growth opportunities and some creative freedom within the job. I believe this definition should apply to everyone equally; not only those with a documented disability. In this sense, under-employment is not exclusive to the disabled, but a realm that encompasses all manner of arbitrary, biased, unprincipled, unreasonable inequities, and the individuals infringed upon.

I am undecided if this insight eases my pain or not. The fact remains that many disabled have tumbled from greater responsibility, challenge, and reward to a state of toting boxes, whereas many others who are under-employed have only known box-toting. But just because my pain may be greater, does not make the ethicality any different between those who have tumbled and those who have not. Unfortunately, in the employment arena, equal opportunity is not yet a reality, for many reasons.

Regardless, we can still choose to seek responsibility, challenge, and reward in other arenas including family, friends, social organizations, advocacy groups, charitable causes, personal learning / growth, and other personal hobbies and leisure activities. For many, this is enough. For some, it is merely consolation. I am finally coming around to finding it enough, by realizing that the only difference between my circumstance and that of the majority of others is the starting point. And I now realize that to feel deserving simply because of previous good or bad fortune, is a reflection of a narcissistic ego.

My circumstance in this moment is exactly what it is, and no amount of angry, bitter whining will change the moment; and I believe there are more productive ways to work toward a satisfying future. By learning from the past (i.e. I must actively accept that it is unlikely for me to find maximum satisfaction as a part-time disabled worker), actively accepting the moment, and finding other avenues for responsibility, challenge, and reward I can move ahead more peacefully, compassionately, and communally.

As always, my humanity will at times interfere, and I know I will occasionally backslide, but it is good to acknowledge the reality of the moment.