I remember the title; and I believe I had an outline in my head, but that was yesterday. I recall I was enjoying the unique satisfaction of the day's first jolt of caffeine and the way you can sometimes feel your nerves stand at attention and respectfully nod, or (with a particularly powerful shot) even salute. I experience a similar physical reaction at the end of my mid-summer, 5 mile, sweat-soaked walk, when that first slug of cranberry juice hits my gullet. And even during the walk itself, there are moments of astonishment and wonder that begin as physical exhilaration and rapidly blaze frenzied trails through my mind, exciting consciousness and teasing hidden intuition, (almost) creating an ineffable insight into... ...something... ...or somewhere... ...I cannot quite grasp, what seemed a moment ago within easy reach - the esoteric nature of beingness peeking out from the unknowable depths of... ...I cannot remember where; or what.

And perhaps this is what I meant yesterday morning by 'The Happiness of Forgetting' - that if I did remember, I might go blind, or crazy; from Truth, or Perfection. But if I am supposed to forget, why do I so badly want to remember? And why do I keep searching? Do I always forget what I am supposed to forget? I'm sure I can't remember everything I've forgotten, and when I do remember something, I'm not sure if I was supposed to remember it or if it should have remained forgotten. I am now trying to remember something I remembered, that I know now should have stayed forgotten; but I can't remember.

This push (of forgetting) and pull (of remembering) is a synchronized paroxysm of intricate uncouplings colored by the past and balanced by the future and occasionally disrupted by a moment - it is difficult to string these moments together; Life interferes. Innocence is lost in the past and in the future. Innocence is found in the wonder of a single moment. Innocence is forgotten by remembering and remembered by forgetting. Remembering and forgetting though, corrupt innocence. I believe it is the dance - (the confluence of remembering and forgetting) - that we must forget. We cannot just remember to forget, or forget to remember; we must (in a given moment) lose track of remembering AND forgetting. Innocence is fleeting. Innocence is momentary.

In this moment (as I am writing these words) the dog is barking and I have remembered that I forgot to remember to bring him in out of the heat. Life has intruded and I must go get him in and I should remember to give him a cookie and check his water and now wonder if I should give him his medicine but then will have to remember to tell my wife when she gets home and I am afraid I will forget and she may forget to ask me before she gives it to him because she knows I usually forget about his medicine and I know I should remember it better but if I do then I may have muddied the waters to a point where (because of the past, in the future) neither of us will remember to ask each other and we will both forget to give it to him so I believe it is okay if I remember to forget to remember.

Now I have forgotten the point...

...Oh Yes. After reviewing the thoughts above it appears I should change the title of this post from 'The Happiness of Forgetting' to 'The Happiness of Forgetting the Dance of Remembering'.

Some see forgetting as an impairment, or a loss; and in some circumstance, it may be. But by forgetting we also create an opportunity; we open up a bit of consciousness that allows for choice. Utilizing the law of diminishing returns, once regret or reminiscence overtakes learning, I must let go of that bit of past for the sake of the moment. And when Life again intrudes, opening the door and inviting the past back in, I must remember to balance it with the future and be alert for the next momentary opportunity. And when it arrives I must remember to choose a growth opportunity such as physical exertion, or study, or art, or mindfulness, or questioning, or compassion. It is interesting that we may see forgetting as a loss, yet we often seek ways to 'forget' by choosing mindless, lazy pursuits such as consumerism, or passive, gratuitous entertainment (e.g. reality TV), or drinking, or conforming, or judging; (I speak from personal experience, as my Humanity dictates and as we all can).

One's Humanity demands a certain amount of forgetting.

Forgetting is what allows us to wake up each morning and continue to move forward despite the pain of guilt, and sadness, and loss, and anger, and physicality, and inadequacy, and loneliness.

I doubt more than I know.
I stumble more than I flow.
I rebuild more than I build.
I forget more than I remember.