In May of 2004 my Wife and I began compiling a personal history that tells a long and winding tale of triumph and despair; highs and lows; good luck and bad luck; competition and camaraderie. This epic narrative (as of today) consists of 872 Scrabble scrums of which I have won 433 to her 431 and we have tied 8 times. Over these 872 encounters I have averaged 305.16 points per game to her 304.00 for a difference of 1.16 points. Some would say we are evenly matched.

So how does this relate to Truth, Wisdom, and one's quest for Happiness? I believe it begins to relate simply in terms of Human Interaction which is one of the elements of Happiness as seen on the Periodic Happiness Table of Elements. Connecting with others enables a synergistic expansion of consciousness, which in turn enables potentiality for learning, growth, complexity, and depth. In our case Scrabble has become a favored medium for relaxed communication often accompanied by our like-minded appreciation of music, all leading to an affectionate companionship, and in many ways truly is a microcosm of the ups and downs of our Life together ...

We compete with mutual respect; throwing adversity in each other's path, but doing so within the rules. In this way we stretch each other, encouraging growth.

We enjoy the fact that we are evenly matched. If one goes into a competition or collaboration knowing they will win or knowing they will lose, it is not a lot of fun, and it inhibits one's learning growth, and ability to add complexity or depth.

We have learned that at times (especially late in the game) it is best to take what you can get; not necessarily stoical acceptance or giving up, but rather understanding reality. It is not always possible to place the 'Q' or the 'X' (or the 'J' or the 'Z') on a triple letter space.

Even early in the game, seeking that perfect word may impede progress. It is tempting to hold on to that 'S' for maximal points, or that 'ING' for an impressive 7 letter word and its accompanying 50 point bonus, but at what cost? What opportunities are missed in the form of new letters not picked up? It feels like more often than not, (or at least as often), I do not gain with this strategy. But I also believe the memory of failure is stronger and stays with me longer, and the same justification could be used for holding on to those letters to make that perfect word; especially early in the game and/or with a more open board. The key is to not become obsessed; it is better to let go / sacrifice for the sake of progress and (most importantly) to avoid stagnation.

We have learned to celebrate victory - even when it is not ours. Once I am past the disappointment of my loss, I do enjoy her win; and at times there is no disappointment as we have both said that we would rather lose a close, well-fought game than to play a game filled with the frustration of bad draws, a blocked board, or low scores.

Bottom line - challenge, adversity, and even occasional pain is necessary; and often unavoidable. This is not a new thought. Throughout this site I have consistently encouraged embracing the Dark.

So is it not a natural extension then to encourage challenge and adversity in a caring connective relationship? Is this a necessary aspect of truly loving someone? We typically think a major aspect of Love is the compassionate desire to relieve another of their pain and suffering. Am I actually suggesting that one should inflict adversity and pain in order to show their love? NO - I am not suggesting that - but I am suggesting that one aspect of love should be the empathetic sharing of that challenge, adversity, and pain inherent in our day-to-day existence; a mutual bonding with the Dark as well as the Light. And sometimes, because of our humanity, we may (intentionally or not) inflict pain, but by recognizing that it is a part of a loving relationship, adversity will not sever that connection.

Love is not all Teddy Bears and Chocolate Covered Strawberries. As stated above, I believe this assimilation of Dark, Light, and Consciousness between two people is one tangible, very real aspect of Love. I believe another discernible aspect of Love is Willing Sacrifice. By definition sacrifice involves loss and/or pain. The 'willing' part implies free-will choice which in turn demands no quid pro quo. Even the slightest resentment or expectation of something in return cheapens it, reducing it from an act of selfless Love to an act of selfishness. Granted, reality dictates a certain amount of self-preservation, and an act of kindness often carries with it varying degrees of selfishness, but one should know the difference. A True act of Love is not only selfless, but also often uncredited. That is its nature and that is as it should be.

In recent years I have been captivated by and have written some traditional-form poetry. The Sonnet below (for me) reflects the essence of the two tangible aspects of Love as discussed above. This was written for my Wife and Children:

A PROMISE

A fervent wish to free you from distress
A heartfelt hope to see your mind at ease
Respect and Love to feed your happiness
Repose that won't impede your gentle breeze
Undaunted faith that fear and pain will cease
Enhancing our good cheer with soothing balm
A balm made up of my own joy and peace
Embracing those nearby with gentle calm
A pledge to do no harm nor urge dispute
Together we can charm reality
Outfitted for productive shared pursuit
Committed to constructive harmony
In sync we'll persevere with empathy
I'm here for you, and here I'll always be

This brings me to a third aspect of Love that is ... well ... ... ... beyond words, but best described as a Transcendence that emanates from within and (ideally) connects with another's Inner Transcendence. This aspect encompasses familial Love and Love for one's spouse or significant other. This aspect of Love is beyond simple kindness and greater than (though characterized by) the verbal "I Love You" Love many of us practice on a daily basis. This aspect of Love is the certainty that no matter what, even in the midst of stormy, thunderous, Darkness, this connection cannot be severed. (For me), this aspect of Love is what I feel for my Wife and Children.

This week my Wife and I celebrate 33 years of marriage. There have been many ups and downs, some stormy, thunderous moments, some dazzling Transcendent moments, many moments in between, and quite a few games of Scrabble. I believe this connection will forever be. Three years ago I wrote the Sonnet below for her:

THE WIND

Held mute within my heart, the words are there
It seems those I impart don't flow, they spill
Discordant sounds unwhole and unaware
Of how they should extol what you fulfill
For you to comprehend my words unsaid
For you to feel this wind that does not blow
For you to know firsthand the fire I've bled
For you to understand my faithful flow
Just look within my eyes to see the tears
And throw off my disguise to hold me true
And put your hand in mine to quell my fears
And let our lips entwine to taste anew
Each day I sing and dance and gaze above
I'm blessed with one more chance to show my love