Following up last week's post, below is a brief summary of every political speech ever made:

"I am an authority on all things authoritative, with Truth and Wisdom gained from (and credentials bestowed upon me by) those who at one time were wiser and held more authority, but have since passed the baton for me to carry into a bright future for us all, provided you listen carefully, take notes, do not interrupt, and follow my instructions, which will in turn allow you to be a part of the team and feel important regardless of the fact that you are but a small cog in my wheels of progress that turn with ever-increasing consequence, taking us into a still brighter future that will ultimately outshine all (but me), as every organization must have a leader with vision to plan and direct his/her troop's movements with the greater good in mind, thus (at times) forced to sacrifice less useful constituents in order to control the ultimate outcome which if each of you do your part will be an even brighter future than you can imagine, as this has nothing to do with imagination but rather is dependent upon your execution of my well-thought-out devisings and manipulations of circumstances that are beyond your control but within my capable grasp, and which once grasped will remain in my dominion until discarded to make room for a more useful concept, idea, theory, or notion which I will utilize in order to hasten the wheels of progress and carry us to an even still bigger brighter future, which is not beyond my grasp as long as I remain your wise and benevolent leader, which fact is a foregone conclusion as we all know that I know what is best for you, and I will share that Wisdom and Truth (at least that which you are able to understand) magnanimously and with gratitude for your devotion and continued contribution (no matter how small) to the cause, enabling me to disclose certain indubitable solutions to botherations heretofore created by faux leadership heretofore granted powers by faux minions of which have been scattered and disposed providing (with appropriate indoctrination of course) an opportunity for the swelling of the rank and file (which includes you of course) supporting my illustrious ascendancy to this position of power and control which I so rightfully deserve because I have only your best interests in mind and due to my unselfish largesse, as illustrated by this nothing short of brilliant brilliance that I have bequeathed in the form of my leadership to this world (my people), I furthermore hereby additionally insist upon continuing to serve you by insisting that you listen carefully, take notes, do not interrupt, and follow my instructions, which will enable you to better serve me which is the same as serving mankind, as I know what is best for you and all mankind, and though it seems we've previously covered this territory it does not hurt to ensure your undying (metaphorically speaking for some of you) allegiance is heartfelt, and as determined as the looks on the faces of that approaching gang of ruffians masquerading as independent thinkers, and armed with knowledge, and oblivious to the wiles and machinations of my rhetoric, which has never before been subjected to this level of abuse and vitriol which I have heard is highly caustic and severe in effect, and now my rhetoric is starting to melt and run down the sides of my campaign, and my rhetoric is melting, and my rhetoric is melting, and my rhetoric is melting, but now I can see you, (my flock), rushing to my aid as you should in order to continue in the footsteps of your beloved leader, and your loyalty and faithfulness, not to mention your rage directed at these insurgents, will throw aside the hysteria emanating from this ungrateful few, and we can continue towards the betterment of the uneducated and unwashed masses of materialistic, media-zombie, narcissists that constitute the majority of my adoring public, and from which you are a part of, because only the wisest (of fools) would overthrow an uprising such as the one just quelled, and it tugs at my heartstrings (as I tug at your marionette strings) to see the zeal and fealty I have instilled by giving each one of you a purpose (no matter how small) in order for you to get as close as you'll ever get to Truth, Wisdom, and Happiness as personified in me, and manifested through my dedication to my cause, which of course is your cause as well because as you know, I know what is best for you, and you are not to be trusted, and this way you do not have to think for yourselves which makes it that much easier to indoctrinate your children as well who will have been trained to have even less initiative than you and can and will then serve me (and my children, if or when that time ever comes) even more ably than you have served me and will continue to serve me through the end of your days, not feeling the weight of your chains as they are nearly indiscernible due to the excessive weight of freedom that I have so generously lifted from your shoulders in order to simulate said freedom, now disguised as ease of movement, that is being helped along by the strings I am pulling, thus giving you the impression that you are an independent thinker, which you need not be, because as you know, I know what is best for you, which in turn saddens me (momentarily, but now I am over it), but if you don't dwell on it, it should not sadden you that pleasure and comfort are your only concerns in this life, and it should cheer you that thanks to my Truth and Wisdom you can attain Happiness vicariously through me and lead a simple Life of following my lead, and I'm sorry we don't have time for questions (which I would deftly deflect anyway), and that is all I have to say; for now."