For the third time in recent weeks, I want to visit this James Baldwin quote: “People who shut their eyes to reality simply invite their own destruction, and anyone who insists on remaining in a state of innocence long after that innocence is dead turns himself into a monster.”

In these posts and pages we have consistently emphasized the importance of accounting for ‘reality’, but I’m not sure we have satisfactorily answered the question – What is Reality? I’m not sure we can satisfactorily answer that question, but I feel pretty certain about the following:

1. My Reality is not the same as your Reality.
2. Reality is Perception which changes with each passing moment.
3. Reality is not a reflection of Truth and Wisdom.
4. Happiness will occasionally find us in the form of Relative Momentary Happiness (RMH) as a result of our search for Truth and Wisdom.
5. Truth and Wisdom are ultimately unattainable constants that we can only hope to get near but will never know with any degree of certainty how close we may be.

From the beliefs as stated above I have come to the conclusion that …

… (I could say something inconsequentially / predictably clever here like) ‘Reality is not real’ (or) ‘Reality is a lie/illusion/conspiracy’, (but I don’t believe that. I believe that) …

Reality is Change. And I interpret what James Baldwin said as ‘those who don’t adapt and those who actively resist the fact of change, are those who invite their own destruction and take a chance at becoming a monster.’ So what does this have to do with our search for Truth and Wisdom, and our desire to experience Happiness? I will attempt to answer this (circuitously) in the paragraphs below.

We tend to like change that we initiate, struggle with change that others initiate, and dislike (sometimes vehemently) change that we disagree with. So typically if we are struggling with or disagreeing with change, emotions come into play which will impede reason and clarity – critical components of Truth-Seeking that should be tempered with a healthy dose of introspective skepticism. Seldom do we gain peace or exude goodness when we are emotional. Even positive emotions (at their best) are simply contagious and while likely harmless they are only helpful for the short-term. Of course numerous short-term periods of positive emotion strung together may seem like one has found the answer to long-term Happiness, but is it True Happiness? Or are we ignoring Reality; (i.e. Change)?

If reality is change, and if we cannot avoid uninvited or disagreeable change, then positive emotion is a false Happiness. To embrace change and inch closer to True Happiness we must first recognize and acknowledge change as self-initiated or uncontrolled/uninvited, and/or disagreeable. If uncontrolled/uninvited we must decide if it is agreeable, during which time we struggle. If we decide any change (self-initiated or uncontrolled/uninvited) is disagreeable, we then have some options. Based on observations of myself (and others) options for reacting to disagreeable change include a) cover it up with positive emotion; b) resist; c) feign indifference or apathy; d) respond with damaging negative emotions such as anger; or e) embrace it honestly and adapt. (I may be missing some, but as stated, these are the options I typically choose from for myself and notice from others.) We are fools (and not in a good way) if we are angered by change, naive if we resist all change, lazy if we act indifferent towards change, and stagnant / ignorant (impeding our chances of learning and growth) if we blithely accept change with (false?) good cheer.

So that leaves option ‘e’ (embrace change honestly and adapt) which I find very difficult. I believe that is the right answer but I seldom get there without first frolicking through one or (usually) more of the other choices. And when I do finally get there I tend to adapt with reluctance and some lingering hurt; (my embrace is not gentle and loving). I am finding that it helps to anticipate the fact of change without getting hung up on lamenting what the change could have been or should have been, or predicting what the change will be or when it will occur. When I focus simply on the fact that change is inevitable and I do not try to manipulate or control all aspects of the future or the past, I adapt more freely and willingly; but I find this difficult to do consistently.

It is okay to plan and think ahead and we should behave in the present with an eye to the future as discussed in the recent post “Time and Happiness” – but when (not if, but when) things don’t turn out as planned, disappointment is a waste of time.

Writing and re-reading this post, it feels somewhat scattered in places, perhaps reflecting my uncertainties and lack of success (not to mention disappointments) in controlling future (and past) realities. We are all faced with choices of how to adapt, often several times in a week or even in a day. I am confident that successfully adapting to change (Reality) with no hard feelings will lead us towards Happiness and help us to avoid our own destruction. But still, I am faced with the challenge of how to practice what I preach.