In recent weeks my efforts have been reined in; not as a lessening but as a tightening. This is me giving up on the world. I have always worked hard. In the beginning the driver was a sense of responsibility for those immediately around me. First, I did not want to disappoint my parents and (perhaps to a slightly lesser extent) my siblings. Then, (married at the age of 20 with three children over the next ten years), I worked hard to do right by my own family and I continue to do so today (extended to in-laws and grandchildren) and I will continue to do so until I am no longer able. But in addition, somehow in my nature and/or nurture, by the time I became a hard-working adult with my own family my efforts expanded and I also acquired a strong sense of responsibility towards the world at large; I worked very hard at improving an ever-widening circle of surrounding circumstance. So to this end, as I continued to live and learn I developed a stubborn mindset that frequently refused to just go along to get along and more often than not insisted on moving against the current because I was learning that in most circumstance improvement comes from moving against the current. My determination in this regard has grown stronger with each passing year and decade. I rejected the way of this world, instead chasing dreams and believing in some greater fulfillment; something more meaningful than mere ego, prestige, capitalism and ownership. I wanted to make things better. I wanted to wreak Goodness on this misguided world. But after 4 plus decades the world has responded to politely inform me that I am the misguided one so I can just go sit down now – and I will, turning my back on this world that is not at all interested in what I have to say. I sort-of get it; I am only one tiny, tiny, small, insignificant voice of disagreement, and power prefers/demands status quo, and human nature tends to fear change; but I think I could have helped…

Two months ago I semi-retired. At the time I didn’t think I was ready and it made me angry that I was forced out. That said, perhaps they did me a favor. I am coming around to the perspective that these extra days off are in many ways pretty great. I am finding I am okay (and perhaps more than okay) with being forcibly removed from the world. Now that I have slogged through a good portion of the bureaucracy (social security battles, insurance hassles, healthcare negotiations, and part-time job hunting), I am finding myself going back to from whence I came in my adolescence and early twenties; cinching my focus to work harder for family and friends (one in the same) and even some for myself. The world let me go and each day I am finding it easier in turn to let the world go. Thank you World.