On this dreary Monday morning, with a chill in the air, I am feeling an electrical susurration in my gut. A visceral response to my realization that this week I have come to a pivotal moment; a turning point of significance; a crossroads or juncture in which a change of direction takes place. (Pardon the redundancy, but I feel compelled to create a trade route from my gut to my mind, and firmly implant this seed in every city and port along the way.)

It will likely not result in a large change; but it may. Regardless of the degree, I am confident it will be a positive change. I can feel it in my gut.

I have been patient, I believe, beyond the bounds of consensus forbearance. There are those who would disagree; but those who would disagree, are not feeling my gut. And those who would disagree, are, a) those who have never felt, or b) those who have forgotten, personal feelings of helplessness converted into feelings of active hope. I understand the seeming necessity of occasional resignation, often followed by a transfer of energy and/or commitment into a different existential exertion. That is not this week. This week I am beginning work toward changing the parameters that define specific and significant chunks of personal endeavor. Again, to other segments of my personal existence, this planned movement may be barely noticeable; or it may impact all or most areas in some significant way. We will see.

I believe restlessness = an inability to ignore one's gut; and stability (often) = resignation, or an inexplicable ability to ignore one's gut. I prefer restlessness; though it (at times) comes at a high price. There are those who would disagree; but (I believe) those who would disagree, have anesthetized their gut.

Yet, as this week progresses, I am struggling to overcome the temptation of anesthetization. This struggle against my longing to be numb was nicely reflected one evening this week by a character on TV who, willing to settle, said, "I will take what I can get!" A second character animatedly responded, "That's not how it's supposed to be!"

I need to hold on to that fire...

I felt it on Monday. It has ebbed and flowed since.This fire is not the flames of anger. I believe excessive anger will dampen active, productive hope by fueling one's desire to alleviate the unproductive turmoil, via quiescence; whereas a spark of anger, (properly nurtured in the gut), will fuel active, productive hope by connecting one's gut with one's mind. I have previously vacillated some on the topic of anger, but most recently I have been more willing to admit and affirm its potential to harm. The following posts reflect this unfolding:

• Forgiving Happiness 3/9/13
• Deliriously Happy 3/15/14
• Minding Happiness 6/14/14
• Driving Happiness 10/31/15
• Herding Happiness 2/13/16
• Distilling Happiness 8/27/16
• Wading toward Happiness 12/3/16

And I believe this week's recognition of the value in a nurtured and focused spark, may be the next forward step in my evolution of thoughts on anger.