This week, after the Carolina Panthers Super Bowl loss, Cam Newton said, "I've been on record to say I'm a sore loser. Who likes to lose? Show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser." My instinctive response is, "show me a sore loser and you still have a loser." So apparently he is choosing between "sore" and "good" because in either case, you are left with a loser. In the context of "losing", to choose "sore" over "good" (I believe) indicates a lack of consideration for others, in that the feelings of one individual, (no matter personal or public opinion), are no more and no less significant than the feelings of any other one individual; and there are many other individuals on the winning team, whose enjoyment of their victory is potentially lessened by Mr. Newton's crybaby antics. Who knows? His purpose may not be specifically to detract from their victory and bring the spotlight back on himself. He may not completely understand his motivation. He may just be a crybaby with no planned or known ulterior motive. Regardless, the question becomes, "Is Mr. Newton an individual who a) can not show consideration for others, b) believes he should not have to show consideration for others, or c) simply will not (i.e. refuses to) show consideration for others?"

These 3 gradations of a sore loser are important; and I will come back to them. But first I want to examine those in the media, (and others), who claim that Cam Newton's truthfulness is honorable and preferable to the alternative. Those who make this claim believe the alternative to truthfulness is not being truthful. I see the choices not as honesty vs. dishonesty, but as truthfulness vs. social civility in order to minimize harm. (I do not know anything about Cam Newton's personal life, so I am not in any way casting aspersions with this example), but if his wife or a girlfriend or a friend asks him, "How do I look in these jeans?" will Cam Newton choose to be truthful or socially civil? I am 100% in favor of truthfulness with oneself, and if he is a sore loser inside, he should actively recognize that and then determine if harm, (such as a lack of consideration for others), can come from that, and if so he should consider how to minimize that harm. Social civility is a viable option. To be consistently, overtly, and truthfully vocal, is selfish.

Some media outlets have also justified Mr. Newton's antics as okay by comparing the similarity of his quote to a Vince Lombardi quote. And yes; Vince Lombardi did make a similar comment. But Vince Lombardi also said:

"The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel---these are the things that endure and these are the qualities that are so much more important than any of the events that occasion them."

And:

"You never win a game unless you beat the guy in front of you. The score on the board doesn't mean a thing. That's for the fans. You've got to win the war with the man in front of you. You've got to get your man."

And:

"Winning is not everything---but making the effort to win is."

And:

"Second place is meaningless. You can't always be first, but you have to believe you should have been---that you were never beaten---that time just ran out on you."

In context, and considering his entire body of work, I don't believe Vince Lombardi was advocating being a sore loser. He recognized that you cannot win every time and (I believe) he was advocating the will to win and, (with the fourth quote above), encouraging one to set their mind on winning, even when first place has slipped from their grasp. I believe this "winning mindset" will more likely translate into a public perception of a good loser as opposed to a sore loser. If Mr. Newton felt himself a winner regardless, (as Mr. Lombardi suggested), there would be no discussion of losing, period, and this would not be a story.

Now back to the progression of sore losing. I asked if Mr. Newton is an individual who a) can not show consideration for others, b) believes he should not have to show consideration for others, or c) will not (i.e. refuses to) show consideration for others? I believe this to be a progression of maturity and growth (in succession and respectively) from a) immaturity due to a lack of experience, to b) immaturity due to an inflated ego, to c) a stunting of growth due to delusional arrogance. In this last case, it may appear that there is little or no potential for the individual to outgrow their selfishness. I want to believe this is extreme and rare. In the case of Cam Newton, I believe his is a case of immaturity due to an inflated ego with a dash (or two or three) of inexperience, and I believe there is considerable potential for him to outgrow this affliction. In support of this potential, on one media outlet this week I saw a report that basketball bad-boy Isaiah Thomas now regrets similar "sore-loser" behavior from his past.

Bad behavior and lack of consideration is not exclusive to wealthy, young sports heroes. I am constantly discovering areas of inexperience in which my immaturity wants to surface, but I work very hard to consciously suppress the whiny excuses, temper tantrums, and hotheaded volatility that I want to use to defend my shortcomings. I am not always successful. I am constantly tripping over my ego, but I work very hard to consciously recognize the misstep before I verbally translate it into thoughtless potential for harm. I am not always successful. It is the nature of the beast to be incapable---(childlike inexperience)---of showing consideration for others, or to feel I should not have to---(ego)---show consideration for others. But I do not believe it to be human nature to create fictional constructs in my mind to convince myself of my superiority. I believe this delusional arrogance to be learned behavior. I would also like to believe that it is behavior that can be overwritten by an active recognition of one's responsibility to minimize harm and one's responsibility to seek reconciliation. Though I will never completely escape the dangers of inexperience and ego, by actively acknowledging the challenges they create, perhaps I will be able to vault over delusional arrogance and on occasion land in (or at least near) responsible maturity.