Again this week, I have been put in my place. Last week I encouraged finding one's place, yet ultimately determined that my place is here, now. It's all a bit enigmatic. Do I even have a place to find? If so, can I consistently find it? If not, why do I feel compelled to search? And if or when I believe I have found a place, why do I feel compelled to search for a better place. And why are there some individuals who insist upon aiding others in finding their place? Even (some times) when it does not appear to be their place to do so?

Last week I also said that it was up to the individual to "choose and create, or at least define your own meaning and purpose." I believe the "or at least" caveat was a nod toward circumstance that may dictate one's place, thereby narrowing one's choices. If I am put in my place by circumstance or by others, then is that truly my place? Or am I just passing through? If this dictated place becomes more long-term than I would like, will my definition evolve into delusion? Or will I be able to reach beyond this place into another, more suitable place? Can I occupy multiple places simultaneously? Or will each moment allow only one place in that moment? And what is the relationship between meaning/purpose and my place? I can think of examples in both directions, but which should come first? Does purpose create place? Or does place create purpose? My initial thought is that while both are certainly possible realities, place more easily influences purpose, so we often allow exactly that. But can one grow one's purpose to ultimately wrest control from place, regardless of how one has come to that place?

Finally, last week I also touched on "finding myself" and indicated that I was still looking. Is the perception that I am still looking for myself a result of my compulsion to search? And is this compulsion to search a result of a self-imposed delusional belief in myself? Is one's concept of self a product of place and perceived purpose? And if so, which weighs more heavily in that consideration - place or perceived purpose? And how do I trust my take on the truth of reality? When I feel that I have been put in my place---when I feel small and unimportant and patronized---is this in actuality more truthful and closer to reality than my personal belief or delusion? Is my place more accurately determined by the majority opinion of others? Do I even, really have a say in my place? Or should I disregard place and focus on growing personal purpose and meaning?

I will find myself in whatever place I may be, so perhaps this last thought---(to grow personal purpose and meaning)---will ultimately bring me closer to myself, than will jockeying for position and/or fighting circumstance for a more suitable place. Perhaps I meant "finding your place" to be synonymous (or at least congruent) with "growing personal purpose and meaning." Perhaps we (as a culture) are misguided by the pretentious prestige of place and position. So does this struggle between place and purpose, in order to find oneself, deserve further consideration? Or is it enough said that one can find personal purpose and meaning, regardless of place? In theory, perhaps it is enough. But it may be a hard sell to the homeless man on the street; or the single Mom who just lost a job; or the recent victim of a violent crime; or anyone in an abusive relationship; or even, simply, the citizen swallowed up, lost, and forgotten in the gelatinous gullet of mass bureaucracy.

So where do we focus? Do we focus on debunking place and position? Or do we focus on elevating purpose and meaning? I suppose I will begin with both. Place/position appears to be a consensus activity whereas purpose/meaning feels like it should be a solitary endeavor. To allow a consensus determination of one's purpose feels cheap and easy. Is this an indication then that the power-consensus of place and position is wanton and corrupt? Am I willing to demean myself in search of a more suitable place?---(I can recall a few personal examples of slatternly behavior to this end.)---And is this consistent with my purpose? I see that it is consistent if my primary purpose has simply become to seek and obtain a more prestigious place or position. There are cynics that might say since I no longer have the power to reach beyond my place, it is only natural that I would fall back to a defense of purpose over place; and it is a valid point. I would argue though that I once experienced some (big-fish-very-small-pond) power and prestige, and now in recent years circumstance has dictated my place to be otherwise; so I may have a more balanced, objective perspective from which to argue purpose over place.

To further this argument of purpose over place, I would also point out that in recent years, from my prescribed place, I have learned more, I have grown more, I have become more adaptable and more eager for change, I have significantly intensified my compulsion to search, and I have actively broadened my search for purpose and meaning. Additionally though, I have become more serious, more solitary, and more surly. I believe it to be a necessary trade-off, but one that is difficult to make, voluntarily, from a position of comfort. In fairness, as opposed to being encouraged by a fall from a place/position of some power or prestige, it may be equally (or more) difficult to climb or grow into a perspective of purpose over place if one has (over a lifetime) become settled into a peer-sanctioned, regimented peninsula of place over purpose.

Food for thought...