Last week I circled peace. It is not the first time I have sought composure and tranquility within the folds of my consentient insignificance and relevance. In some circumstance it feels that I do indeed instinctively synthesize this conflicting push of relevance and pull of insignificance, and in other situations I must consciously move myself to subtly layer these yin and yang yearnings or choose one over the other. I do want personal relevance (but when I am aware), I do not want it at the expense of exoteric goodness and inner peace. I am too often not aware. I associate relevance with the darker motives that result from interpreting Life through my life, and I associate insignificance with the exoteric goodness and inner peace that can come from an acknowledgment and active reconnaissance of Life as the ultimate determinate of my choices impacting my life.

I do have choices. We have choices. Many individuals interpret this as free will and from that interpretation it is a very short and manageable leap to personal relevance, followed by a need for personal relevance, followed by an addiction to personal relevance, leading to a fog of incomprehension. I am not saying that free will is misinterpreted or nonexistent. I am saying that free will (as personal choice) is often misguided.

I believe (as dictated by my Humanity) that I must seek and possess some degree of personal relevance. I also believe that the higher the degree of desired (or necessary) personal relevance, the more jaded the outlook, the more diluted the exoteric goodness, and the more slippery the inner peace.

I believe (as dictated by the whole of Humanity) that I must recognize and act in accordance with some degree of personal insignificance. I also believe that the lesser the degree of personal insignificance, the more pretentious the outlook, the less efficient and meaningful the exoteric goodness, and the less consequential the inner peace.

This becomes somewhat of a balancing act in that (I believe) a recognition of both relevance and insignificance are typically present to some degree in a large majority of individuals, but a high degree of one does not preclude a high degree of the other, (and vice versa), especially when one considers that the output of each can come from either or both of one's interactive self and one's unrevealed self; (see this post from December). For example one can possess a high degree of personal relevance and still publicly contribute meaningful exoteric goodness, and this same individual can also esoterically possess a relatively high degree of personal insignificance, thus strengthening that exoteric goodness and further enabling an inner peace. Personal relevance and personal insignificance should not be considered on a simple, single spectrum; it is a multi-dimensional complexity of braiding and reversals, that becomes more and more dangerous at the extremes.

So here we have (1a) personal relevance and (1b) personal insignificance, as interpreted by (2a) my life and (2b) Life, and expressed through my (3a) interactive self and my (3b) unrevealed self, and resulting in some (positive or negative) degree of (4a) exoteric goodness and/or (4b) inner peace. So if each strand and or braid of this multi-dimensional complexity contains an adjustable, instinctive, or reactive share of each of these 8 components (with the unpredictability of circumstance thrown in for good measure), is it possible to choose the strand or braid that will maximize inner peace? Or does this construct just simply contain too many variables?

Some would say I am over-thinking ... ...Perhaps I am. But I would prefer over-thinking to a simplified outlook of comfort and pleasure as peace. And I would prefer over-thinking to an expression of goodness exclusively for the sake of onlookers. And I would prefer over-thinking to turning a blind eye toward the unpredictability of circumstance. And I would prefer over-thinking to the incomprehension and ignorance of personal relevance sans personal insignificance.

There are too many (constantly changing) variables to consistently find the strand or braid that will bring inner peace. But whether I am choosing instinctively, reactively, or consciously I have found that I can create some composure by consciously raising my level of personal insignificance, reaching across the span toward 'Life' as an interpretive aid, and expressing this result within my unrevealed self. This composure then brings some calm which creates space allowing me to assess circumstance and increase the likelihood of tranquility and peace; momentary and fleeting though it may, at times, be. These three (identified) components (personal insignificance, Life, and the unrevealed self) are less instinctive, less comfortable, and less readily-accessible, which is why there must be conscious effort. Last week I circled peace at 10,000 feet looking for a safe landing place. This week (through this conscious effort) I found calmer air at a lower altitude enabling me to locate a gentle terrain on which to land.

Composure, then Tranquility...