Fourteen years ago this past week I had a vestibular neurectomy. After cutting a one inch square from my skull, the surgeon indicated that they had to gently nudge and shift part of my brain in order to sever the vestibular nerve. For 8 nights after, I had some amazing dreams in which I was able to utilize all of my senses - and then some. I kept a detailed journal. Excerpts are in blockquoutes throughout this week's post.

I dreamed of translucent, neon alligators, and foul smelling, viscous alligator juice. I dreamed of cotton candy and vibrantly colored, intensely fruity fruit chews. I dreamed of writing plays and acting in them, amazing acrobatic performances, and angels with voices from heaven. I dreamed of mazes that I was unable to fight my way out of. I dreamed of mud, smelly garbage, parties, banquets, food, drink, song, merriment, baseball, county fairs, beauty and ugliness, frustration, fear, anger, disgust, jealousy, and murder. I dreamed of chasing, and being chased. I dreamed of coral reefs forming magically on a beach. I dreamed that I helped God create the universes. And I dreamed a very spiritual and wondrous dream using no senses at all.

In recent weeks I have been examining Balance and how it relates to Transcendental Truth. Looking back on this experience from fourteen years ago, I believe it to be my first conscious, written effort to identify and appreciate the value of opposing forces.

There were dreams involving very ugly acts and deeds. I shudder when I think these dreams came from me, but I comfort myself in the thought that we all have shadows within, and the fact that I was exposed to so much beauty and wonder during these 8 days, made it inevitable that I would be exposed to the dark and ugly as well.

In the present day I no longer shudder when exposed to the Dark. In the years since these dreams, the resulting conscious thought process has encouraged self-revelatory uninhibited truthfulness, enabling me to build on and learn from the opposing forces (both Dark and Light) that do battle within and on occasion spill over. So in a sense this dream journal from fourteen years ago was the prequel to my written thought over the past two years on this web site.

Additionally I believe this sensorial intemperance may have strengthened an already-healthy skepticism and in the intervening years has contributed to my relentless search for unattainable Truths and Perfections. Throughout my 50 + years I have always considered myself spiritual, but I have always had many questions. In recent posts I have made a case for a Transcendental Existence, leaping (as one would from stone-to-stone across a brook) from one's ability to self-identify TO self-discipline TO Exoteric Goodness TO one's own consciousness as it relates to one's humanity TO the energy of Pure Consciousness unencumbered by the trappings of one's humanity and transcending all facets of time and space. I do not (nor will I ever pretend to) know the form this Transcendental energy may take, but I do believe this Transcendental Existence abides; and looking back I have realized that the fourteen year old dream below may have served as a divine, or perhaps delusional, inspiration reinforcing my predilection for transcendental thought.

Expanding the Mind - This is the only dream I have ever had, where my senses did not play a part. I did not taste smell, feel, hear, or see anything; but it is also one of the most detailed, intriguing dreams I have ever had. I was traveling with my mind. There was no physical form to my family, the earth, or me, but yet I was communicating with my family, and arranging to meet them at a designated spot, where we would be able to communicate more effectively, and feel closer. It seemed I had been away from them for some time, and this was somewhat of a homecoming. After arranging the place we were to gather (meet doesn't seem right because I knew I would not see them), I had a complicated circular formula in my mind that I knew would get me where I needed to be. Most of this dream was just working through this formula. I can best describe this formula as a rubber band ball. It was equations, wrapped around coordinates, wrapped around numbers, wrapped around theorems, wrapped around equations, and on, and on, and on. I had to figure one item (rubber band) at a time, remove it and go to the next. As I went from one to the next, I felt my mind not only traveling towards my destination, but also expanding from the exhilaration of this mental exercise. Looking at it as we measure time (by passing events) it seemed to take an extremely long time to get to the center of this complex and dazzling sphere within my mind, but in the moment, it also seemed outside of time. When I did make my way to the center, I had also arrived at the gathering place. My family was already there, as they didn't have as far to travel; and as I expected we had no physical form. We could not see, hear, or touch each other, but that seemed to enhance the communication. It was loving and spiritual, honest and pure.

I know ... it's only a dream ... perhaps just more Transcendental twaddle; but to quote the Law of Energy Conservation, 'energy cannot be created or destroyed, but can change form.' And this is where I find myself; believing that the energy of 'me', (as it applies to each one of us able to self-identify), cannot dissipate into nothingness, but can change form and will remain all-or-some-where, all-or-some-when, as all-or-some-thing.