Forgiving Happiness

I am re-thinking Anger. I have previously stated that it is my favorite of the seven deadly sins because it seems the one I am most naturally inclined towards. Dante described wrath (or anger) as "love of justice perverted to revenge and spite." Though I do love justice, this sounds ugly and I do not like seeing myself in this light; (or dark, as the case may be). The opposing virtue to Anger is alternatively presented as compassion, patience, forgiveness, or composure. I have no problem with this balance for those I love and care about. Balance is a challenge though when I feel exploited, manipulated, or excessively wronged by others.

With close friends and family I am more easily able to forgive, thereby eradicating anger. With others, when the wrong is radical, I find forgiveness very difficult. Perhaps the key then is to live with the anger and work with compassion, composure, and patience to mitigate Anger's impact. Will compassion encourage forgiveness? I can see that possibility for less consequential injustices and/or in those instances where mutual respect remains. But what of those instances where mutual respect has not yet been established, or where there has been a significant loss of respect?

These 'instances' cover a lot of ground; including very large, impersonal (nameless-faceless) bureaucracies. It is hard to forgive someone when there is no someONE.

And this line of thought also brings up the following question: Can an organization take on a disordered personality, sweeping up individuals in its path (within the organization) to where they know not what they do? And if an organization can exhibit neurotic or even (in extreme cases) psychotic tendencies, should one be more composed, patient, compassionate, and (dare I say) forgiving towards those individuals simply caught up in the culture?

... Perhaps so ...

After all, this need to belong is a very human need that works closely with other very human needs including social activity, acceptance, and purpose, as well as some potentially darker needs such as superiority, self-interest, importance, power, and control.

So - this thought begs the question, Should one be forgiven for being Human? That is a very big question. And my first inclination is to answer 'Yes'.

This thinking though may lead some to ask is there really anything to forgive? Especially in the case of an individual merely caught up in a bureaucratic or organizational culture? I believe regardless of the circumstances one is responsible for one's individual behavior and instead of condoning lemming-like behavior by forgiving, perhaps we should applaud and encourage non-conformist behavior. This does not change the fact though, that circumstances may call for more understanding, empathy, and compassion; and this thought brings me right back to the earlier question - 'Will compassion encourage forgiveness for a radical wrong in a non-family/friend circumstance?'

I feel that true forgiveness is reserved (I said 'is' not 'should be') for close family and friends with whom there is a depth of attachment and mutual respect. I believe one can be compassionate and resentful at the same time, but I do not believe one can truly forgive if there remains even the slightest resentment. It is human nature to feel resentment if one believes they have been wronged. The perceived intensity of the injury impacts the lifespan of that resentment. For those of us who love justice, resentment can hang around for a very long time. But I believe it true for everyone that in non-family/friend circumstances one does not forgive so much as one forgets. I know this to be true by experiencing and observing renewed resentment in one who is reminded of past, forgotten wrongs.

So if true forgiveness is (in non-family/friend circumstances) impossible how does one with a love of justice forget? I believe compassion can mitigate the pain of resentment, but if compassion cannot encourage forgiveness can it speed the process of forgetfulness? I don't think so ...

If one is practicing compassion through empathy and understanding, one is considering the target of the resentment; and through this living thought is also breathing life into that resentment.

To review:

  1. True forgiveness for excessive injury in a non-family/friend circumstance is impossible.
  2. Substitute virtues may mitigate the pain, but (especially for those of us who love justice) may also fuel the resentment.
  3. Organizational or bureaucratic cultures do not excuse lack of personal responsibility / accountability based on consensus legal and ethical guidelines and principles; especially when an individual caught up in the culture also recognizes the questionable ethics as questionable.
  4. Revenge and spite are ugly.

I am at a point where I see 3 options:

  1. Seek fair, impartial justice.
  2. Be Angry.
  3. Forget.

Counterpoints/comments towards the 3 options above:

  1. Fair, impartial justice is difficult in the legal system and beyond difficult in the ethical arena.
  2. I am tired of being angry.
  3. I want to forget.

But I don't know how to forget. I have already said that compassion will (inadvertently) nourish resentment. And forgetting (while I am thinking about it) feels a lot like giving up; but if I am able to forget then I won't be thinking about it and it won't feel like I gave up - until the next time I am reminded. And in some cases, reminders are frequent.

So if there is no justice; and if I am unable to forget/give up; then I guess it must be okay to be angry; and I must find a way to be okay with being angry.

So now I've come to the question - Can one be angry without spite and without seeking revenge?

I do see the partial truth in cliches like 'time heals all wounds' and advice such as 'give it some time' but I believe the truth in these thoughts is not a healing or an eradication of anger, but more an acceptance according to my definition of acceptance: "biding one's time in a difficult situation, faithfully recognizing and acting on every opportunity, and thoughtfully creating opportunities, to perpetuate positive change."

It is the emotion in anger that perverts it to revenge and spite. If one can simply acknowledge the fact of anger and objectively work towards accepting it according to the definition above, then the emotion will subside with the effort of acceptance, and the effort will reassure one that the acceptance is not the same as giving up.

It's worth repeating: if there is no justice; and if I am unable to forget/give up; then it must be okay to be angry; and I must find a way to be okay with being angry. Perhaps a start is to acknowledge, objectively accept, and internalize, thus creating a sort of external / empirical forgetfulness.

So while it is unlikely that emotion can be removed from anger - (then it wouldn't be anger) - I believe the emotion can be tempered and controlled. Once to this stage of anger though, one is in danger of forgetting, which feels like giving up. And giving up is not consistent with one's search for Truth, Wisdom, and ultimately Happiness.

So - I will simultaneously work on empirical forgetfulness and transcendental Truth with the (active, contributory) hope that it will impact exoteric Goodness ...

Now I need to understand if this empirical forgetfulness will encourage a forgiving Happiness? ... Or will it lead me towards forgiving Happiness? ...

Wherever it leads, I will continue to evaluate Anger. It deserves more attention.

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